Even Blink 182 went through their "Blink 182 phase".

Idea: Death Cab For Cutie, but with cats. (Death Cat For Cutie)

If WalMart offered free wifi, They'd be unstoppable.

You could say I'm seeking validation via twitter, but it's hard because I'm easily distr- HOW DO YOU EVEN PRONOUNCE VIA

300, because our sexualities weren't questioned quite enough.

Every time I post something I think is funny and no one stars it, I just think "Oh, they're probably all offline. Maybe next time..."

How would you go about telling a highway that it's adopted?

I call bull. If Chuck Norris were half as badass as the claims he'd come slam my head on the keyboaanikoikerrrrrrrfdil.uykilpoiweolij

Bill Murray just picked my nose, ate it, then screamed "Nobody will ever believe you!"

I wish Val Kilmer were here. He could solve all my problems.

Quicksand just loves us and never wants us to leave.

Look dude, I don't know you but my parents always told me not to talk to str- ooooh, candy!

Ewww, I just found a Deadmau5 in my dubsoup!

Apparently having huge muscles and cat-like reflexes makes me "delusional".

"I'd really like to tell them how I feel, but something's holding me back. What do you think?"

"Uhh... That'll be $10.84" The cashier said.

Watching "21" and the romantic couple's first kiss was in a Vegas strip club. That's how you know it's true love.

"I only swear when I'm quoting movies, that way it doesn't count." - pretty much every Christian

Only now have I fully come to grips with how many cookies I ate last night.

Don't be surprised if you have nose blood on your presents, I'm putting cocaine in Santa's cookies this year.

I rate my visits with friends based on how comfortable it is to poop in their bathrooms.