This whole Rondo to the Knicks thing better be some weird twitter rumor.

“@uberfacts: Exposing a man’s genitals to sunlight can cause his testosterone level to rise by 200%.” Vitamin D, awkward pun. Sorry 😔

Sometimes high waisted cut offs look like those designer 'little movers' jean diapers that Huggies make and I get sad.

Does Swedish Lil B YUNG LEAN have a a twitter? I'm too down for him right now.

My medium latte was $5 that's 9 tacos @jackbox!! Yes my currency converter is in tacos, everything's broken down to how many tacos I can buy

I taught a 3yr old boy to lift his shirt every time I say, "boys gone wild!" One day I'm going make an excellent mother.

Everybody sounds like all the teachers from Charlie Brown!! Wa wa wa wa wop wa wa wop wop wop.

Note to self: your parent aren't going to find comments about the pepper grinder looking like a bong amusing. Know your crowd Eunice.

I JUST found out Nick Nolte and Gary Busey are two different people?! Holy craaaap!!! This has just blown my mind!

Stephen King is on some bull shit, how u gonna have a hotel built on top of an Indian burial and all the ghosts are Victorian white people?

I wish I could work at Yogurtland, but I'd get fired for yogurt bonging straight from the machines and not helping customers, ever.

Apparently in San Francisco I dress like a gay or homeless man, because I am ALWAYS twinies with them :((

I like men with Mad Men hair. Fo real.

@sgpiswack bringing tha phonk 😍

I told the homeless man one of us has to change, ugh this is like the 90210 episode when Kelly and Brenda wear the same prom dress.

@rickafterdark when I wasted 6mins of my life debating which granola I wanted I finally understood why the rest of the world hates Americans

In what retarded parallel universe is Adrien Brody a heartthrob?! How many of those kegs of those beers did the chicks have?

Oh hey I'm tweeting on twitter from 30,000 ft in the air! I have nothing significant to say : / like 99.9% of my tweets, so blah blah blah.

I just started following @50cent literally 20 minutes ago and I love him and I don't care who knows.

I don't get the appeal of ipads, like AT ALL and I'm impressed by shiny things on the street.