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I EXPECT PEOPLE TO BE ONLY GOOD OR ONLY BAD BECAUSE HUMANITY IS TOO COMPLEX FOR ME TO PROCESS
I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT POLITICS BECAUSE NONE OF US SHOULD EVER EXPERIENCE HAPPINESS
Count the number of tweets I've posted. That's the number of reasons I'm single.
I can't believe it's the end of the year already! It's almost as if time is a constant and I'm an idiot.
YAY WE AVOIDED A FINANCIAL CRISIS THAT I NEVER COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD
I can't believe summer is almost over! The passage of time confounds me, because I'm an idiot.
I don't watch sports. I am telling you this because other people are not allowed to enjoy popular things. I am a delight at parties.
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT A NEW DOCTOR WHO UNTIL I TOTALLY DO AND THEN PRETEND ONCE AGAIN I WILL NEVER ACCEPT A NEW DOCTOR WHO
THESE REFS ARE HORRENDOUS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MAY THE TRUMPETS SOUND AS I PROCLAIM TO THE INTERNET THAT I, SOME RANDOM INTERNET PERSON, AM GOING TO SLEEP. ALL HAIL ME AND MY SLEEP.
I am a good person for liking Nelson Mandela.
CAPSLOCK BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST THE INHERENT VALUE OF MY WORDS
OMG SOMEONE JUST GAMED A THRONE OR THRONED THE GAME OR KHALISIED A DRAGON OR DINKLAGED A HODOR OR SOMETHING
Mocking everything because I've forgotten how to love.
WE GO LIVE NOW TO SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST, ME
Forcing this tweet. Way too hard. Instead of just waiting for a good one to happen. #hashtagaspunchline #makingitworse #makeitstop #ugh #no
I just ran a great distance! Here is the precise time I did it in. I am healthier than you are.
Pretty much every tweet you already have seen and will ever see. All of us could stand to be a little more creative. Created and written by @ChrisSerico.
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