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[Joke to hide the pain]
Count the number of tweets I've posted. That's the number of reasons I'm single.
I can't believe it's the end of the year already! It's almost as if time is a constant and I'm an idiot.
YAY WE AVOIDED A FINANCIAL CRISIS THAT I NEVER COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD
I can't believe summer is almost over! The passage of time confounds me, because I'm an idiot.
I don't watch sports. I am telling you this because other people are not allowed to enjoy popular things. I am a delight at parties.
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT A NEW DOCTOR WHO UNTIL I TOTALLY DO AND THEN PRETEND ONCE AGAIN I WILL NEVER ACCEPT A NEW DOCTOR WHO
THESE REFS ARE HORRENDOUS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MAY THE TRUMPETS SOUND AS I PROCLAIM TO THE INTERNET THAT I, SOME RANDOM INTERNET PERSON, AM GOING TO SLEEP. ALL HAIL ME AND MY SLEEP.
I am a good person for liking Nelson Mandela.
CAPSLOCK BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST THE INHERENT VALUE OF MY WORDS
Mocking everything because I've forgotten how to love.
Forcing this tweet. Way too hard. Instead of just waiting for a good one to happen. #hashtagaspunchline #makingitworse #makeitstop #ugh #no
I just ran a great distance! Here is the precise time I did it in. I am healthier than you are.
"Motivational quote to poorly mask that the person tweeting this is sad." -Some Famous Person Smarter Than I Am
I LIKE WHEN THE FOOTBALL PLAYER DID THE THING AND THE SPORTS HAPPENED
I am suddenly an expert on Syria.
MAKING FUN OF AN APPLE PRODUCT I WILL SOON OWN
Pretty much every tweet you already have seen and will ever see. All of us could stand to be a little more creative. Created and written by @ChrisSerico.
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