[Joke to hide the pain]

MAY THE TRUMPETS SOUND AS I PROCLAIM TO THE INTERNET THAT I, SOME RANDOM INTERNET PERSON, AM GOING TO SLEEP. ALL HAIL ME AND MY SLEEP.

Forcing this tweet. Way too hard. Instead of just waiting for a good one to happen. #hashtagaspunchline #makingitworse #makeitstop #ugh #no

I can't believe it's the end of the year already! It's almost as if time is a constant and I'm an idiot.

YAY WE AVOIDED A FINANCIAL CRISIS THAT I NEVER COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD

Mocking everything because I've forgotten how to love.

Last night was totally crazy. I consumed alcohol, wore clean clothes and flirted! Anyway, now I'm hungover, gross, bored and alone again.

I just ran a great distance! Here is the precise time I did it in. I am healthier than you are.

cry for help HAHA JUST KIDDING not kidding TOTALLY JOKING YOU GUYS so depressed right now HILARIOUS i don't even know anymore

My significant other did something that wasn't really that interesting, but I just wanted an excuse to mention that I'm in a relationship.

I HAVE AWAKENED AND LOGGED ONTO THE INTERNET GIVE ME ALL YOUR ATTENTION AND COMPLIMENTS AND RETWEETS AND FAVORITES NOW NOW NOW

"Motivational quote to poorly mask that the person tweeting this is sad." -Some Famous Person Smarter Than I Am

Retweeting my followers' responses to me. I'm popular and inspiring!

I can't sleep because I am typing on a keyboard and looking at a screen.

I am sad and need you to ask why.

I have late-night feelings and you need to know about them.

Here's a stupid thought instead of just going to bed.

OMG SO EXCITED FOR A MUSIC FESTIVAL WITH POOR PLUMBING OPTIONS, OVERPRICED EVERYTHING AND OVERRATED MUSICIANS YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I miss someone who is just fine without me.

I'm drunk and/or pretentious at #SXSW.