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Secret to twitter is: tweet like your an alcoholic, Nympho, homeless person on Xanax but have a sweet side & be proficient in grammar.
Anyone realize Dora is always lost every episode? Why is their no Amber alert for her? Is it because she's Mexican?
Despite what ladies think, guys prefer a woman with curves over a skinny girl with no shape. Don't sweat the curves we love u like that.
Things not too say before a 3some: Of Course we're going to wait for your friend, she's the hot one.
STOP IT CANADA, JUST STOP IT
1 - Bryan Adams (Forgiven)
2 - Nickelback (Never)
3 - Justin Bieber (Never)
4 - Call Me Maybe Girl (FUCK YOU)
Panties are not the best thing in life, but next to it.
There are 3 ways to wear a baseball hat:
1. Forward (normal)
Is their a Jehovah Witness Protection Program?
I may not have washboard abs and model looks but I know exactly how to treat a woman. With respect, dignity and admiration.
I think the last time I got a piece of ass, my finger poked through the toilet paper.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
This should cover today:
You bring out the 'fuck you' in me.
You are the bestest friends $30 ever bought me.
Things not to say when pulled over - It was yellow when I went through the light - it was red when you went through the light, Officer.
First rule of fight club should be the loser has to bring snacks the following week.
Apparently you CANNOT tweet from a pay phone.
Why is their a cucumber in the fridge? We never have salad. That's weird.
Guys if you are not willing to go down & spend some good QUALITY time on her pussy how do you expect her to just drop and suck your dick?
I'm beginning to think that if I didn't have a twitter account I would be more productive at work.
You remind me of someone I once knew. She was Queen of the Netherlands.