Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I know I had a good yoga class when it hurts to pick up my shampoo bottle in the shower afterwards.
I understand you're trying to say it correctly but you just sound like a pretentious ass.
I hate when people only have an accent when they say certain words. Like mozzarella.
Hippos are so fucking ugly and cute at the same time.
Steroids has made me suspicious of great athletic performances in the same way photoshop makes me suspicious of beautiful booty pictures.
Fuckin Florida. Smh.
Kid kills mom over Chief Keef. Girl stabs bf for farting at her. What do they have in common? THEY WERE BOTH IN FLORIDA.
I'm really good at making terrible jokes.
Laying in bed bc I'm nervous my energy won't live up to its potential. HA. Energy. Potential. Potential Energy? No? Nothing? Okay I'm sorry.
If you make me pasta with just butter as a sauce I can only assume you would like me to kill you.
If you've seen one of my Tweets you've seen them all.
I hate hearing people talk but I love listening to their voices.
Why do I always start discussions that have no business being limited to 140 characters?
I'm really glad my cat can't talk. He's seen some fucked up shit. He'd probably just lecture me endlessly.
I bet they have good drugs.
There's like 5 dudes outside chillin in the middle of the road right now. It's not even 8am. That's some dedication.
That awful moment when you can't even remember which floor your car is parked on. Guess I'll start with 1...
Does that count for Tweeting? I mean I can Tweet in silence.
I wanna take a Vow of Silence.