I love that your wife makes you block me on twitter.

Like I don't have your email, #, address or pictures of your dick...etc.

She's funny

The word forbidden just means "try harder".

Right?

I love when people that don't follow me star my tweets. It's like being felt up by a stranger in a bar & never seeing them again, thanks! :)

Got a text this am asking: "R u still single?"

I replied with: "yep, AND pregnant"

I haven't heard from him since :)
Mission accomplished.

I despise when men "assume" we are dating.

Just bc your dick was in my mouth, doesn't mean we're in a relationship.

I don't care if you think you're smarter than me; I can google shit too, you know.

Skin

-My favorite lollipop flavor

I'm sorry, but love is not blind & neither am I.

My sister is stuck in an elevator.

I told her it's times like these that she needs to have a Twitter.

The genuine laughter of my son is the most perfect sound in the world.

I'm getting that awful urge again.
Soon, I'm going to have to:

1. Fuck something until I can't walk
2. Kill it.

When people ask if I'm getting enough sleep, that's just their "nice way" of saying I look like shit, right?

Evil has many faces.
The more beautiful the better...deception is art.

Sometimes I just want my hair pulled.
*sigh*
No, I don't mind cuddling and sweetness but sometimes...
I really just want my hair pulled.

Yes, I'm edible.

Make up your mind and just fuck me already.

I may be a fucking neurotic mess, but I'll never be accused of being boring, that's for sure.

I drunk how love I feel.

So you thought you'd appeal to my narcissistic side...?

Well played.

You don't put your life on hold for me.
That's what I love the most about you.
You don't NEED me.
You WANT me.