Dear Santa, I won't be hanging a stocking this year. Instead there will be Yoga pants and a 34DD bra, can you please fill that accordingly!

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned...

The obesity epidemic started when Popeye switched from spinich to fried chicken!

Imagine if Ozzy Osbourne or Keith Richards hit their head and you were their doctor, how would you decifer if they suffered a concussion?

Starbucks has turned into the Walmart of coffee shops

Why do stoplights have the power to make people always pick their nose??

Ever stop to think and forget to start up again??

Chameleons must be the Ninjas of the animals planet

When's the air accordian going to get the props it truly deserves?

Sprinklers mysteriously coming on during the Miami/Seattle football game...nice play, Buffalo Wild Wings, nice play.

Schools are going to have to start teaching kids how to pull up their pants& wear a belt, cause their parents sure haven't instilled respect