Things Rick Astley will NEVER do:
Give you up
Let you down
Run around
Desert you
Make you cry
Say goodbye
Tell a lie
Hurt you

I feel I've been mistweeted.

I'ma boob, vagina, hair, legs, neck, earlobes, bottom lip, top lip, little nose, soft ankles, dimples, shoulders, cat-eye glasses, ass man.

STOP ASKING QUESTIONS.... I'm serious. That's what google's for.

I haven't asked a question since 1998.

I'm having a hard time believing that there was shit going on before I was born.

Touché ... french for "oh snap"

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

Talk dirty to me.... Tell me how you have a job and your own place and don't buy on credit.

That shit gets me hot.

Call the cops cause I'm thinking that the family singing "Crazy Train" on the Honda commercial totally kidnapped the black kid in the back.

Fuck, follow everybody.

Then unfollow when shit gets stupid.

I finally made it to the end of twitter.

*refreshes

DAMMIT.

Just sat at a stop sign for ten minutes waiting for it to turn green.
(think it was broken)

I need to but I can't go to bed now, someone on the internet is wrong.

If you already have a discouraging idea about the shape the world's in... do not go to walmart! DO NOT GO TO WALMART!!

I hate when I forget what I just lied about.

According to my roommate's journal I have boundary issues.

Dick.

I don't smoke but I carry a lighter in my pocket for when a really good song comes on the radio.

Saddest thing in the world? Fat guy's electric wheelchair breaks down 10 feet from the buffet.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others....

Until you're better than them.

It's been so long since I've had a woman that I'm starting to act like one.

Hold me.