I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.

Driving is like third on my list of things to do while I'm driving.

Sex is ten times better without condoms. But life is about 11 times better without baby mammas.

If women ran the world there would still be wars, you would just never know WHY you were at war.

My iPhone just autocorrected the word nigga to NIGGA, like whoa iPhone.

You can't just go around yelling the N word. Jesus.

Being a ladies man on twitter is like being the sexiest man in your parent's basement.

Little know fact but Michael Phelps was conceived anally. He's just that good of a swimmer.

If you've ever seen a woman masturbate it's odd they're not better at video games.

Hallmark needs a "It's been too long since we fucked" card.

If she is pretty and you do miss her, tell her everyday or some other asshole will.

You know nothing about a woman until she's drunk and mad at you.

Twitter proves you can love someone for their mind.

Would it kill the Duggars to try anal one night?

One man's slut is probably another man's slut too.

My mom just replied to my text with "K." Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?

Thanks for unfollowing

I hope my tweets get RT'd into your TL and annoy the shit out of you.

Mike Tyson is a pussy. He can't see this right?

Whoa ugly ladies, leave the crazy shit to the pretty ones.

Almost 10,000 tweets, guess who's not Employee of the Month.

Women with a sense of humor are so fucking sexy. Not the ugly ones though.