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for Halloween, I'm going as myself on MDMA.
guys on this train are staring so hard at this girl's massive jugs, they've barely noticed the copy of Finnegans Wake I'm reading.
ugh, I'm so ugly that I'm going to upload this carefully posed photo of myself in a low-cut top to the internet to demonstrate this.
I MEAN imagine old people w/ mortgages telling you your generation is spoilt when you're paying £600 to share a toilet with 3 other people
save us from this rapture @daftlimmy https://twitter.com/caitlinmoran/status/409667043542437888 …
white frat boys, whose only aim on holiday is to drink & catch chlamydia in a hotter climate, are incredible at ruining the remotest places
burnt my fucking thigh with a rogue chicken wing, why must everything i love hurt me?
why do people list ~always sayin' what's on my mind~ as a positive attribute? congrats on having no social decorum you vile, mouthy freak
da fuq did "lifestyle blogs" become a thing people applauded and why aren't they called "i have a large disposable income blogs"
has people "spitting bars" at house parties usurped "prick with an acoustic guitar"?
I hate people who boast about working loads. I hope you die at your desk.
boy who bullied me at primary school, cos I had fruit & brown bread sandwiches in my packed lunch, has had an emergency gastric band :')
reminder that david cameron wanted mandela hanged xoxo
suspicious of people who can drink in moderation, what witchcraft do they use?
Rap game Mariah Carey never being able to put a jacket on more than halfway circa '96 - '00.
"maybe you should put some make-up on?" MAYBE I SHOULD PUT YOU IN A NURSING HOME
farted on the cross trainer so now i have to get a face transplant and never exercise again.
Don't touch my hair. @VICE @NOISEYMUSIC http://instagram.com/fuertesknight