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  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Sometimes when we spoon, I pretend you're my jetpack

    • 43
    • FAVS
    Jorja_Smirk______heneedsnointroThriceJamieitsBAEZbitchareyookiddingmeKellyBean_Boom____WetzelGeekscearley
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    AdiciaHappyGirlitsBAEZbitchdarkkatpouncingjwenoscearleyjunkyardiganSumReecesPieces__rozbear
    detroit_et
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    "What? Where?" - owl on some next level shit

    • 30
    • FAVS
    pmclellanKidsTheZeDaysdetroit_etYWIRw0lfiedagodMidgetsparFredPollackfunnyhamsterhat
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    colcallahanKidsTheZeDaysdetroit_ettessyboo32w0lfiedagodwickedvertigoInterslicemusicnickbotic
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Alligators have such a smug look on their face like they know something we don't. I bet it's how they survived and dinosaurs didn't.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    detroit_etScipioRules______NoTrophy4You______PetMyWeaselMidgetsparArroiaPYWLFruit_Slinger
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    GlauriusNoTrophy4You______Midgetspardefilerfavstar_popAydekayDetroitvsEVERY1EccentricPixie
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Why do old people always have clocks ticking in their houses? Shouldn't that be the last thing you'd want?

    • 14
    • FAVS
    VodkowskiTofutartRobbieTJayStevisShitticuswhatamanwantss____Bartmadnesswickedcrickettadwebbow
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    cher_o_bowlies____Kaseyfanmariahabitnotgood____whatamanwantss____rainedonparadeEmmieru7Flrsimadlymuffiny______
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Just opened a document and my pc was all like WORD and I was all like YO

    • 16
    • FAVS
    GarreTheFerretKidsTheZeDaysPirate_Twinkiejaymeisterrrcrayan9PhantomTouchesdetroit_etArroia
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    KidsTheZeDaysPirate_Twinkiedetroit_etRogueQuipsterTheBlindLemonkatiapereiraHeinChirpTeshaja__
    detroit_et
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    I turned my pillow over before it was cool

    • 20
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaPYWLbakabekopolyhumorousBasstardy________FredzipfelLovelyinthe804____
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    nPhelendriqalOHMYJADredherringbear
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    What I say : "I'm an atheist". What they hear : " I have butt sex with the devil"

    • 13
    • FAVS
    KidsTheZeDaysdetroit_etArroiaPYWLjulianssmEric_NikiforovSilverBadgerSirrruh
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    KidsTheZeDaysdetroit_etSirrruhRageMichelleGoner____________iambrettgSaraahForWhatDCdoughblur
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    One of those days where I feel like everyone will find out I've been faking being an adult all this time.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    Pirate_Twinkie68_mad____________detroit_etskullcatsmoved____artsieangieSleeplessNTulsa__SoNotBrendanperfckd
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    cervixsmashCool_JesseGinRumMe
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    I'm a virgin. I don't give any fucks.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaPYWLFruit_Slingerou812didyousabakhantwitherland______curlymalloy
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    twitherland______whatawhirlweconsume________JackieluvsUKselkna
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    You have to question the logic of a tortoise who'd race a hare in the first place.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    detroit_etsumpeoplelikeitArroiaFruit_SlingerJack9eight5imapotatojomartin26ashrav80
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    icsharpcodeArroiajomartin26Jones4410________awstn_jgloThatRedDeviLCool_Jesse
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Maybe cave drawings are just ancient rock giants with tattoos. We don't know.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    Pirate_TwinkieArroiaPYWLFruit_SlingerHallowedCrowLollySassafrasacole148just_jennyx
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Pirate_Twinkiejasonjarmooshacole148just_jennyxfemmefauxpasCool_Jesse
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Oh dear, it seems I've run out of weekend

    • 11
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaPYWLMan_Who_Smokes____VodkowskiDirty_BraziUnFitzsayten66__________
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    dirty_pink_cityDirty_BraziTweetloose________A_t_o_m_s_kHannahMahna______big62john________
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    This tweet is a poem I wrote about kissing kitten paws.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaPYWLFruit_SlingerFRANKSTALICIOUSKingPatrick24nPhelendriqalFeliciovs
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    TheNoodleTheoryEccentricPixieCool_Jesse
    Cool_Jesse
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    I'm probably going to fall in love with you a little if you smell like something awesome from my childhood

    • 14
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaPYWLpolyhumorousthefakeshenrywcstrife__________Basstardy________elishtat
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    elishtatFredzipfel
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    I think people who write f*ck really mean fuck.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    Pirate_Twinkiedetroit_etArroiaPYWLFruit_SlingerB_Boopsterher_NajestyJustPlainEll
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheJameSA________Stevemmam
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Its said that more people are killed by toasters than by sharks each year. So if you see a shark with a toaster start panicking

    • 10
    • FAVS
    Pirate_TwinkiechiggerweedsJuanFinityVodkowskisugarandviceSleeplessNTulsa__Ronin6750Cool_Jesse
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    DaaiRegardtRonin6750Pia_ZadoraCool_JesseFlrsi
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    And now, a message from the national pancake union: " fuck waffles"

    • 10
    • FAVS
    Pirate_Twinkiedetroit_etFRANKSTALICIOUSkelseyathomeVodkowskiVodkaMaryareyookiddingmejomartin26
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    BronxBomber9Hello_Vodka______melissa5001______mrjude82Cool_Jesse
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    My train of thought just hit a cow

    • 10
    • FAVS
    detroit_etVodkowskielsaPelsjasaryuserius________the_keeksterTheJamieTighe____heneedsnointroredherringbear
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    detroit_etelsaPelsjasthe_keeksterheneedsnointroredherringbear
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Children? but I have trouble even raising an eyebrow

    • 10
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaTheUbuntuNationbig62john________Grind_n_RollCartoonzianFeliciovsiNoor93
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    big62john________jesseethatgirlTashasOpinionSpeakingLisa______68_mad____________
  • Face_55
      O @Face_55

    Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time

    • 11
    • FAVS
    detroit_etArroiaPYWLIngestMyBabiesDoubtTommyalanforamericaKidcrashedJonCantTweet
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    KidcrashedArsonAnni________Fruit_Slingerbloody_guii
@Face_55

@Face_55

I like poking dead things with a stick