Had my Prius pimped with sub-woofers and an amp so I can cruise the Target parking lot blasting

Hotel California ... that's how I roll

Have you ever had a nutsack , Neo , that you seemed so sure it was real ?

#replacenutsackinmoviequotes

I'd love to complain about cunts stealing my tweets, but no one wants them, because they suck !

I reserve the right to steal this tweet .

It's Saturday . If you didn't fuck at least one thing up ... you're not me .

You know when a girl is posing for a pic, and she pops one leg out behind her ...
Is that some sort of code ?
I'm baffled .

You can't Road Rage in a Smart Car! I changed lanes on top of one of them today & he was honking and fist shaking ...

It was just cute .

I use alcohol because it tastes great, and it numbs shit I don't want to feel .

WTF is sooo complicated ? Be good to those that deserve it . Block and move away from the rest.

Quit reveling in the hate and drama.

The battery to my car key remote died .

So ... I stood in the Target parking lot just staring for 10 minutes. Thinking " What now " ?

One of the saddest feelings I've experienced in my life, is feeling like I'm just not good enough .

Each day I log on to Twitter and it's still there.

This is getting ridiculous . Just die already Twitter .

Trying to get my idiot friends to call me COTTONMOUTH ... so if I bite you tomorrow, don't get mad . I just need some street cred .

No Life isn't fucking me . It's dry humping me for the added insult .

I was listening to her story at the bar .. because she was cute .. and shit. Then she dropped the "irregardless" bomb, and my eyes glazed .

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE !!!!

you fucking little rebel ... I like you.

Ashamed to admit it .
The first time a girl whispered she wanted to "titty-fuck" me.
I assumed she wanted to put her nipple in my butt hole

Pretty sure, hair will never regrow on my knees ... too many "rug burn" episodes in my youth.

no regrets .

I used to worry about my inability to remain in a relationship ... but that was before alcohol .

Alcohol fixes a LOT of shit

Pearl Jam vs. Chili Peppers .. which band can you understand the lyrics better ?

who really gives a fuck ? my Ramen noodles are done.