Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
It infuriates me when people fail to acknowledge my monocle.
My friday nights are for nursing vendettas and folding clothes.
In a past life, I was a Vandal raiding villages of fishmongers. In this life, I just picked up a bag of my dog's shit, while ordering pizza.
Imagine a world where you looked like your personality
apparently strangers don't think whispering "Valar morghulis" in their ear is cute
Just like the McRib, Matthew Mcconaughey impressions are back.
Sex is how society controls people. See it for what it is: a control mechanism, nothing more - Noam Chomksy, getting a blow job, 1995
I wish I could be at the pitch meeting for Taco Bell Salsa Packet sayings
In 1975, American Nerds built protocomputers and lasers. In 2013, American Nerds play with Star Wars action figures while jacking off.
Here is a cheering thought: the universe is infinite. Probably.
Just ate a taco one handed while driving a busted out toyota camry. ARE YOU FALLING IN LOVE AS WE SPEAK?
My favorite comedians are homeless people. Because they know that life is a joke.
It's ironic that the most interesting and funny people I know - aren't even comedians.
the only thing worse than being fat in summer is being fat in winter
I always view a woman with a side ponytail with extreme caution.
The American Tax System is a polite way to say, "Pay homage to your feudal lords, serf."
PUSSY IS FOR CLOSERS
TALK DIRTY TO ME ABOUT CHEETOS
Imagine if you had so little imagination or talent that you had to copy and steal tweets/ideas/interests/fuck/jokes/hairstyles/flaws/A SOUL
It sucks to grow up poor and dumb, but it is truly horrifying to grow up poor and smart.
Comedian. Writer. Actor. Producer of Hatemail, a comedy show at The Clubhouse. Super into Peter Sellers. http://t.co/Atan1rGylu