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  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Sorry fellas, one pump from me and that pussy is closed for business. (I surgically implanted a bottle of Super Glue® inside my penis)

    • 5
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGfannyscarfonoem__Zeldavqna________KelleyiujuBevdbux____
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Perched atop his throne, a supervillain sits alone in front of a chessboard and asks himself "How the fuck do I play this?".

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGbergified
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    tyler_harper
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    I hereby declare "Bazoinking" as the official name for all sex through zippers.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGbergified
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ohhh_KG
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    My favorite scene in Cloud Atlas involved Hugh Grant soliciting a blowjob from a female Hugo Weaving.

    • 1
    • FAV
    septembawest______
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Maybe nothing will ever feel perfect enough because movies have set my romantic standards too high. (just watched Oldboy)

    • 1
    • FAV
    septembawest______
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    *gets dick way too wet too fast* *slows things down with some foreplay; flips spray bottle over to mist mode*

    • 2
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyGingerGander
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Ever notice how long-term couples start to look like one another? Anyways, here's a nude of my girlfriend: pic.twitter.com/luSdwiOQ

    • 2
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyGingerGander
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    "There really IS someone for everyone," is what the narrator left us with as we watched gargoyles face-fucking Mount Rushmore.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyGingerGander
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    I'm progressive in that I've never once judged a prostitute for wearing white after Labor Day.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyllvvzzjuicymorsele_skala
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    A montage of my sexuality's peak years featuring me patiently waiting for (1) New Interaction and paced by the Final Jeopardy music.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyyllwsnow92llvvzzjuicymorsel
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Ingredients for prolific voyeurism:
    - Body paint
    - Ability to teleport
    - Name yourself 'Nightcrawler'

    • 4
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyyllwsnow92MmeLaCroozG7Gin____________
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    "Just to see what it felt like" is only ever the motivation for a romantic or a serial killer.

    • 1
    • FAV
    FourEyedQueef
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Hey baby, come back to my place and we'll get freaky like the circus. I'll suck all that cotton candy outta that pink eye.

    • 1
    • FAV
    FourEyedQueef
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    "With great power comes great responsibility" - James Cameron animating another sex tape of himself and a girl who denied him as a teenager.

    • 1
    • FAV
    ohhh_KG
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    "Tough crowd," Tom Cruise mumbles while continuing to implement his Cocktail bottle flips into his prison soaping routine.

    • 1
    • FAV
    ohhh_KG
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    SPOILER: Buffalo Bill's carpet didn't match the drapes.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGthemoviemuffin
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    Excessive scissoring is the obvious explanation for why lesbians have short hair.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGSamuelHudsonseptembawest______
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    "It's as pretty as a flower," I said of any vagina, thinking of Little Shop of Horrors.

    • 1
    • FAV
    ohhh_KG
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    "Bang Bang!" A Coffee and Cigarettes style weekly show where Chief Keef and Nancy Sinatra discuss life and love. Please.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGthe_kizzleIraParks
  • FakeWhimsy
      Morgan @FakeWhimsy

    I include a checkmark with my name, when I piss it into the snow. Sometimes I dream of something bigger.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    ohhh_KGloafbroWhoCuppedMyCake__
@FakeWhimsy

@FakeWhimsy

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It speaks, and yet says nothing.