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Sorry fellas, one pump from me and that pussy is closed for business. (I surgically implanted a bottle of Super Glue® inside my penis)
Perched atop his throne, a supervillain sits alone in front of a chessboard and asks himself "How the fuck do I play this?".
I hereby declare "Bazoinking" as the official name for all sex through zippers.
My favorite scene in Cloud Atlas involved Hugh Grant soliciting a blowjob from a female Hugo Weaving.
Maybe nothing will ever feel perfect enough because movies have set my romantic standards too high. (just watched Oldboy)
*gets dick way too wet too fast* *slows things down with some foreplay; flips spray bottle over to mist mode*
"There really IS someone for everyone," is what the narrator left us with as we watched gargoyles face-fucking Mount Rushmore.
I'm progressive in that I've never once judged a prostitute for wearing white after Labor Day.
A montage of my sexuality's peak years featuring me patiently waiting for (1) New Interaction and paced by the Final Jeopardy music.
Ingredients for prolific voyeurism:
- Body paint
- Ability to teleport
- Name yourself 'Nightcrawler'
"Just to see what it felt like" is only ever the motivation for a romantic or a serial killer.
Hey baby, come back to my place and we'll get freaky like the circus. I'll suck all that cotton candy outta that pink eye.
"With great power comes great responsibility" - James Cameron animating another sex tape of himself and a girl who denied him as a teenager.
"Tough crowd," Tom Cruise mumbles while continuing to implement his Cocktail bottle flips into his prison soaping routine.
SPOILER: Buffalo Bill's carpet didn't match the drapes.
Excessive scissoring is the obvious explanation for why lesbians have short hair.
"It's as pretty as a flower," I said of any vagina, thinking of Little Shop of Horrors.
"Bang Bang!" A Coffee and Cigarettes style weekly show where Chief Keef and Nancy Sinatra discuss life and love. Please.
I include a checkmark with my name, when I piss it into the snow. Sometimes I dream of something bigger.
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It speaks, and yet says nothing.