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Girls in belly shirts, sorry about your dads.
Suge Knight proves my long-standing theory that fat people are harder to kill.
Nicki Minaj is our most famous working clown.
During a game of charades would be the worst time to get murdered/raped :-(
Real friends don't nominate you to do the ALS ice bucket challenge.
Sometimes I forget what's really important in life but then I'll think about it and remember it's money.
The good thing about being smart is being able to figure things out probably.
No to people who use the word "hubby."
True love is finding someone who won't make you go camping.
I don't understand how since they figured out how to make mirrors that make you taller and skinnier why the still make the other ones?
Instagram's main purpose is the disappointment of finding out every person you follow on Twitter has a fucking cat.
When you want something you've never had you usually have to do something you've never done.
Whenever children get annoying just remember how good they are at making sneakers.
If a guy asks me what my favorite song is on first date for fun I say, 'Owner of a Lonely Heart,' and then look away like I'm emotional.
Sometimes I wonder if Brown Eyed Girl is really about what we think it's about.
TV producer and contributor to The Baller Lifestyle podcast.