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When I find myself with trapped air bubbles,
Mother Mary underneath,
Don't stop to break the rhythm,
Let it queef.
I thought about taking up yoga but decided to wait until BowFlex makes a machine for it. #CLSC
I'm feeling fat and sassy —
If you're cocky,
I like cats because they're hedonistic & demanding & their idea of a good time is to torture & kill small creatures. Just plain good folks.
Get thee behind me, Salt 'n' Pepa, and push it. P-p-p-push it real good. #CLSC
Cream of goat soup? Again? Thou shalt not boil a kid in its mother's milk! -- Moses, probably
Yep, I have a spirit animal. She's marinated in Jack Daniels sauce.
Chang and Eng
I'd much rather examine a man of pesto than a manifesto.
Just signed up for a year of zumba lessons. By next spring my booty will be a shadow of my former pelf. #artwiculate
Ladies' Night puts the banal in bacchanalia. #artwiculate
Could you please keep your dogma from exposing its fallacy? #artwiculate
Hey Romeo, don't assume that if I'm a "cow" I must be a pushover too. #NoTipping #GonnaDrawBackANub
Sext: lets play doctor I'll put the phone up next to my tummy and you can listen
I'm convinced I have post-polio syndrome, but my doctor says that's only for people who have had polio. I call bullshit.
Roseanne was the oddest
Valiant domestic goddess,
Embodied the ridiculous
Of a panniculus.
You say potato, I say potahto. Because I'm a pretentious fucktard.