• Hola!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your favs and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you fav, retweet, or follow someone.
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Two of my most-starred tweets contain spelling errors or typos. People, you should expect butter from me.

    • 74
    • FAVS
    CseashellsJustPlaneNuts____repomondaimonic0TerminalSingles__joaoclima________heyiamcharlotteYUCKYBOT
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    JustPlaneNuts____
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    I'm glad 163 new species were discovered in '08. It makes me feel better about this blue whale-panda stir-fry I'm preparing.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    repomontraviswseale______heyiamcharlotteYUCKYBOThighvoltagerachtimbalanced______XytrexImDoubleG______
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    You know that nervous feeling you get every time you're about to slide your debit card?

    No?

    Fuck you.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    foodandwhiningrepomonCatherine3778____heyiamcharlotteYUCKYBOTOHguy7highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Just when I think I can put the final nail in the coffin of behaviorism, someone gives me a star and I squeal like a little bitch.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    foodandwhiningrepomonhighvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________DDDBU____________Miss_Cookmikeym00n
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Whatever, Jesus. If I hold my arms all the way out and up, I look skinny, too.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    thatjunkiejulesheyiamcharlotteCatherine3778____highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____twistedpfister____Miss_Cookslugworthy________
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    My sweet old nana used to say: "If you don't have anything nice to say, shut your goddamned motherfucking pie hole."

    • 34
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____Miss_Cookslugworthy________mikeym00nSaidSyd______FarmerBraxtonA2thaQ__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    gottahavheart
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    My neighbors just bought a riding lawnmower equipped with headlights. I don't like where this is going.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    pixelpiperrepomonitsdonnaokhighvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________Miss_Cookslugworthy________
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    He may not be able to hold my hair back, but he'll clean up my vomit.

    Man's best friend indeed!

    • 26
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____ImDoubleG______kambrock__________slugworthy________mikeym00nJeanM617A2thaQ__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Atbandcamp
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    With this dark blue background for my aquarium, I have a hard time seeing my black fish.

    Except for when they smile.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    repomonhighvoltagerachbedheadblonde____Miss_Cookmikeym00nSaidSyd______JeanM617FarmerBraxton
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Whoever came up with Mothers Against Drunk Driving obviously had no concept of how I want to do the opposite of whatever my mother wants.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    repomonhighvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________slugworthy________mikeym00nJeanM617FarmerBraxton
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    If I die young, please ensure my tombstone reads: "An unexpected error occured." If I'm old, then: "Operation timed out." #MacabreMonday

    • 25
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________mikeym00nSaidSyd______JeanM617FarmerBraxtonA2thaQ__________
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    They don't teach you in school, but you find out in college, that the 1st steps to writing a paper are shaving, cleaning the house and TV.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________mikeym00nJeanM617FarmerBraxtonA2thaQ__________sha_suga__________
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    I may be "evolved", but I'm not above using my toenails for self-defense in bed. Or to mark my territory with my scent, for that matter.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________slugworthy________A2thaQ__________sha_suga__________chuckconquesoreverendross
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    I'd love a job where I could work with my hands.

    Probably my best bet is to search Craigslist for hand jobs.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____slugworthy________JeanM617A2thaQ__________sha_suga__________reverendrossrondicasmith
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    In my moment of death, when my life flashes before my eyes, I hope it's not in landscape mode. Cuz I hate that.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________slugworthy________mikeym00nA2thaQ__________reverendrossSa7o0r______
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Sometimes I think tweeting is like auditioning for the job of Satan's jester.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________JeanM617FarmerBraxtonsha_suga__________reverendrossbumpcrud
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Attention New Followers:

    Hahaha. Who am I kidding?

    As you were, you two.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________slugworthy________FarmerBraxtonA2thaQ__________sha_suga__________Sa7o0r______
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Coming out, Twitter-style.

    "Ohai, tweeps. I like girls. And by girls, I mean boys. Not a euphemism. Amirite? Don't unfollow me! Ladies."

    • 21
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________slugworthy________A2thaQ__________sha_suga__________lurkeybumpcrud
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    Anybody know where I can find an online community of enablers?

    Oh, wait.

    Nevermind.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____kambrock__________A2thaQ__________sha_suga__________reverendrossMissStaceyLynn____slugworthy________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    gottahavheart
  • FauxPapa
      Tim @FauxPapa

    I had a mouthful of pills when I sneezed. One came out my nose. Do I try swallowing it again, or shove it back in my nose? #dilemma

    • 18
    • FAVS
    highvoltagerachbedheadblonde____sha_suga__________reverendrossbumpcrudmmemordantJustShadoeA2thaQ__________
@FauxPapa

@FauxPapa

Throwing pearls before swine since 2009.