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Me: Why is it called taint AND chode?
Husband: Because penis and dick. That's why. #reallifeconversation
Spilling rice down my bra and being too exhausted to get it is the best way to explain how my day is going. #sunday
I'm trying out 'murder by dirty looks' today. Next person to interrupt this love affair with my english muffin is getting it.
The only thing stopping me from slyly peeing in a cup under this table in this never ending mtg is the fact that I've recently had asparagus
I think a pretty good indicator of being a crazy bitch is having eyebrows shaped like tadpoles.
Fun game the hubs and I play:
Is it poop or is it sweet potatoes? #babies #noYOUsmellit
I have decided that @iamjasonburkett is not allowed to participate in teaching our son the concept of "don't touch".
"Nothing like a pair of old lady hooker tits in your face while you get a haircut."
@iamjasonburkett
About to watch Paranormal Activity 3. I'm going to scare myself into labor or shit my pants. Either way exciting night for @iamjasonburkett
@iamjasonburkett a state of ecstasy or rapture. But not like Bioshock rapture. The opposite of that.