If your age is on the clock, you're too young for the cock.

I don't always get laid. But when I do, it usually involves craigslist and 200 dollars.

M: Make me a sandwich.
H: How would you like it? With ham, bologna, turkey?
M: With your mouth shut.

I get lazy when I smoke crazy, blowin' that blue hazy.

Ladies, if you're ugly, stop camwhoring. No one wants to see that shit.

Don't look for someone to love, you'll just get hurt. Let them come to you, it's much easier.

Her: I wouldn't trade these days for nothing.
Me: Not even for some better grammar? Ignorant bitch.

I refer to women as pieces because they are an intricate and important part of my puzzle, my heart.

Kim Kardashian's sex tape last longer than her marriage.

If someone with Alzheimer's gets raped, will it even matter? It's not like they'll remember it in the next 5 minutes anyway.

Lies and deception have built the world since the beginning of time. Don't think it's different now just because you're here.

Good rolled herb is equivalent to the check with your name on it.

3 follows in 10 minutes? I must be god.

I really do give a fuck about your personal life, just not as much as I give a fuck about playing pokemon.

Ladies... If you want to impress me, dress classy, not like a slut who's fucked nine guys tonight.

Don't be sad because your vagina's bad.

I'm not addicted. I just casually enjoy cocaine on a daily basis.

I wanted a miniature lion, so I shaved my great aunt's cat.

If you're worried about following me because I'm 16, don't worry. I'm @fifty_buds brother, smoking and sex are in my blood.

If I could choose my fairy godmother, she'd be a fine Brazilian girl that knows how to cook and clean, more like a fairy girlfriend honestly