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Every basic bitch remembers where she was when she found out Victoria's Secret made tank tops with built in bras.
People are so mad at that dentist who murdered the lion. You'd think he'd been involved with the slight deflating of some footballs.
still into sideboob. also topdick and center-left-rectum.
I was a free man in Paris, I felt unfettered and alive. That lasted about an hour and then my kids came back from the hotel pool.
My special thanks and appreciation to everyone on Reddit yesterday for the great AMA (1)
I've been whacking off to a dead guy for two years?!
just having a blast w/dudes explaining 2 me what Marvel movies are like right now!!
Every time I order a pizza on Domino's website, Amazon automatically ships me a pair of sweatpants.
"So use that fluoride rinse twice a day, Mrs. Stevens. I'll see you when I get back from killing a lion in Africa because I'm a gross twat."
My earbuds always get tangled but it doesn't even compare to how jacked up my anal beads drawer is.
We just have dif views doll u don't have to be cunty about it https://twitter.com/benshapiro/status/625886966442102785 …
me: please don't let me embarrass myself
life: haha fuck you, that's all this is
I just bought a frozen microwave burrito and the guy said 'enjoy your life'
I feel like it's weird to forget New Hampshire because of the primaries
I stand corrected. The album is #1 in country, rock, indie and folk. #4 overall. Very grateful. Very, very surprised.
Kiss Mommy's cold sore and make it better! #RVA
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