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Share a Coke with LORD PISS
There should be a "No Hendrix covers" clause within a two block radius of my house.
The Annenbergs got they beak in errythang.
What is it about the rain that makes me want to get on a bus and ride around the city?
got new double pane windows so now it doesn't sound like my neighbor is coughing while laying right next to me & oh god this feels so alone
I clicked "View Activity Log" on Facebook and yep, there was corn in it.
It's raining. It's pouring.
My sex life is boring.
I aged ten years enduring the muzak version of "Holding Back the Years" at the grocery store.
I wear extra-large condoms because I like a "relaxed fit".
It'd be nice if someone without a sociopathic narcissistic personality disorder translated some of the ancient texts for once.
I just saw a bitch twerking on a rat that had a fried chicken leg in its mouth
Dude, we're MINUTES AWAY from steak dinner. Promise I'll take photos, but expect my dick to absolutely be in the shot. No way around it.
"Lucy" is the Lucille Ball biopic we didn't know we needed.
I just ruined this Krispy Kreme workers day by handing her a Groupon.