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Halloween costume ideas:
I wished I loved anything as much as people from Michigan love using the palm of their hand to show you what part of Michigan they're from.
You’re not officially married until you’ve bickered in a Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Can you comb my kid's hair to my wife's satisfaction? Congratulations, warlock!
FREE BABY NAMES: Charb, Leave, Justinden, Layleagué, CokeAnne, Margical, Drakkarth
Your nana messaged me on Tinder and she wanted to "cut through the bullshit and get to pumpin'."
So close to putting pants on and telling everyone in this bus station the party's over.
I can't bear it when people shorten though to tho. Ugh.
a study of 133 rats in manhattan finds they're disgusting, which i learned during my study of watching a subway rat eat a dead rat
Now that ebola is here let's let Texas secede like they wanted.
*opens office fridge* WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY KOOSH BALL?!
Oh Chris Brown... do SIT THE FUCK DOWN.
I'll be glad to look at pictures of your cat if it will help you get through the day.
Good Morning! Time to bring the day out into the woods and abandon it. Let it be raised by wolves.
I have a wooden candlestick that has been making a crunching sound by itself for the last two nights. It stops when I approach it.