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Wore a Diva Cup to Lane Bryant, so pretty much crushed International Women's Day.
This coffee tastes like Matt Leblanc's towel
Sometimes I worry that I'm getting in the way of my boyfriend's rollerblading career.
Not gonna spring forward because I think we all know where this is going
My kiosk finally arrived! Can't wait to set up at the Galleria and sell truffle oil.
They have Thin Mints Coffee-Mate now. It's available wherever your co-worker has a niece.
the best kind of garage sale is one where you can use their toilet inside the house and have a look around
there’s ecto cooler e-vape juice just in case you’re unable to wear every stupid thing about your personality/interests on your sleeve
I just turned on my bathroom fan instead of the light! They should put that on my blooper reel.
He was born doing what he loved, crying into titties
If ur in this ladies restroom w me u just heard the twitter refresh sound
Shout out to women who sigh loud because other people exist.
gonna sit here listen to tori amos and cry because i want tim hortons
"Ok so this thing cries, poops, and lies for 18 years in that order" - sales pitch for kids
FUN FACT: Every car horn is directed at me.
Cool that "Grey's Anatomy" is bringing back Dr. McGaybashy.
Probably the most depressing way to decorate a post office is with dreary old photos of the same post office so congrats Chelsea post office
When I die don't put flowers on my grave, put pizza.
Sometimes a man must draw a line in the sand. Then draw some other lines. When he’s done, a bird will look down to see a drawing of a penis.