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My favorite ride at disneyland is being touched by a thousand strangers
in Colonial Williamsburg, Towers crash into you!
Looked at the trending topics and thought Betty White, Kevin Hart and Jeff Goldblum all died in some sort of 'Buddy Holly' type plane crash.
I like my coffee the same color as Papa John's eyebrows.
Has Guy Fieri ever made anyone cum
My 4yo nephew just told us the ghost asked him to clap....not creepy AT ALL
My husband just said the puppy bowl is stupid. Do divorce attorneys work on Sunday?
Husband: I love you.
Me: Bullshit name 2 of my albums.
hey if the spiders wanna hang in my shower i'll give 'em a show
Dear @Racheldoesstuff, thank you for my new favorite show. http://bethmorrell.tumblr.com/post/138833376773/west-covina-the-musical-crazy-ex-girlfriend … pic.twitter.com/tw9hgf9rX1
Every comic tweeting tonight would kill for one ounce of Trump confidence
Kiss Mommy's cold sore and make it better! #RVA
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