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"10 Ways to Lose Thanksgiving Weight But LOVE YOUR BODY, FATTIE!"
Hot wings have the power to make my head rotate a full 360 degrees like a barn owl
How can you let your Samsung phone make that cunting 5 tone whistle in public?? Less offensive to shit a full poo on the floor.
Dear couple quietly fighting behind me at beginning of five hour bus ride, promise me we will at least reach a few firm answers, k? Love, me
7yr old: Wait! Do animals make babies the same way people do??
7yr old, mutters: Oh my god.
"I love you," she challenged.
That fart just sounded like someone yelling "Pablo!" with a mouth full of egg salad.
I like to think of life as a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. Takes a little heat off my myriad mistakes.
Obama on gun violence: "Enough is enough."
NRA on gun violence: "Obama is trying to take your enough!"
Then by all means, mock away! https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/670612687907344384 …
Whenever I see a pregnant woman I always ask "So were you trying to get pregnant or were you just sport-fuckin'?"
Also I get slapped a lot.
Virtually no-one has spent more money in helping the American people with disabilities than me. Will discuss today at my speech in Sarasota
Kiss Mommy's cold sore and make it better! #RVA
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