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Democrats when they lose a debate: "We're all going to die!" --- Republicans when they lose a debate: "We didn't lose that debate."
Sir, we found the 1st actual evolved sentient AI on the web. What's it doing? Sir, it's titfucking the 2nd evolved sentient AI on the web.
Rule #1 for offensive humor: it has to be pretty goddam funny.
Iran Plans To Unplug Internet, Launch 'Clean' Alternative - This will end up being what topples that theocracy, as currently configured.
Making a bunch of "and I'm a senile, racist old fuckwit!" bumper stickers to add to all the "Don't blame me I voted for Romney" ones in 2013
Of COURSE they got the terrorists. Barack Obama is President. Not George Bush. Not Sarah Palin. Not Mitt Romney. Not Rand Paul.
I had a tweet about somebody's dick in a bug zapper. Not one star. Not one RT. What do you people want from me?
Me at the Ted Conference -- "Ted Danson is probably an asshole. Ted Kennedy wasn't. Now, Teds in sports....Ted Williams, asshole....."
US Savings Bonds were competing with the Financial Services Industry so Bush dumped them. One of the strongest brands in World history.
Parents all over the USA are thinking, "Can you imagine?" Thing is, yes, we can imagine. Vividly. Horribly.
Did you know that you can no longer go to the bank or anywhere else in your town and buy US Savings Bonds? True!
First time I ordered espresso was in an airport. I was amazed at how little coffee I got for $5 and said so. Place is still open. Fuckers.
I get emails from eBay sellers wondering if I'm still alive because I haven't bought any stupid obscure shit for a few of months.
Getting sort of tired of waiting for the Mars surprise thing. Just tell us what it is, NASA. We know you have to verify it.
Not all women are against Romney and Ryan. But all the hot ones are. Every single one.
Girl bitten by dolphin at Sea World - The dolphins at Sea World should bite every human that visits Sea World.
Or maybe ask ourselves, is performing with a hologram of Tupac something we can do tastefully, and not creep everyone the fuck out?
There is an intricate structure of truth that exists before a writer comes along and nails words to it, like cheap fiberboard siding.