Women, Do you ever ponder what you'll pick up to confront an intruder with?... I keep my largest dildo by my bed for that reason alone

bf asked for a tit wank. I got two chicken breasts out the fridge and told him to use them

Watching the Discovery Channel has helped me pick up some great sex tips

One of my prawns were not gutted properly and just ate prawn poo... Can I now tick the 'does scat' box?

Thank god vibrators don't wear away... mine would be thinner than a needle by now!

I'm spending the #RoyalWedding by gang banging... Gonna line all my dildos up in a row and fuck them all

My shower is so powerful that when attaching my shower enema attachment to it I'm like a human bottle rocket

I'd be champion at pogo if there was a dildo on the end

I always thought Russian Roulette was when you stuck something up your arse and wondered if it would come out clean or with sweetcorn on?

Today I will mainly be wearing... an anal hook

Half an hour more until everyone starts turning up. Filming/playing with three women today, A Mistress, a slave and a switch

You know you need a new boyfriend when... His tongue is bigger than his cock

Fee Fi Fo Thumb, I'm going to stick it up your bum #SexualFairyTales

Get your cock out #thingsgirlswantboystodo

Go on give this tweet a sniff... I wiped my vagina on it... Go on smell me, you know you want to...

My vibrator is jealous of my bf as I only pray to God while he's fucking me and not when my vibrator is

I put a strap-on on before I go to bed, so I too can wake up with a morning glory like men

Good or bad? Your boyfriend dying of a heart attack during sex. He went doing something he loved & what a compliment to your bedroom skills

Today I will mainly be able to wear a top again after some serious tit abuse yesterday. I still have my nipples intact so it wasn't that bad

Ducks gang bang... Wish I was a duck at times.