Life seems to continually teach me that empathy, pity, compassion, and kindness will always be qualities that are punished in the end.

@cowharbinger if you like cucumbers, aka "ghetto dildoes," you can find one inside @catches_sars at any time

@brettpain Fool me dos, shame on equis.

I have no fucking idea why they call this show "Modem Family."

@cowharbinger as long as you like obese, sociopathic, compulsive liars that continually shift sexual identity, you're golden #brahsrule

@kirbyslefteye nope. all attorneys are lawyers but not all lawyers are attorneys. Nice try.

@ruunknown you didn't see the subtitle. The whole thing is "Google Drive (other Companies Out of Business)"

Buy Flooooow... Sell Flyyyyyyyy. Courage. #badslampoetry

@catches_sars thank you for jacking me off with your pussyhole last night. maybe someday we can have intercourse.

Spring forward. Faaallllllll... BLACK. Slam. #slampoetry

@gaytoven how the fuck did they get all my old laundry?!?

hey kiddies, the real friday night drugs are Flexeril and Ibuprofen. You can take your cocaine and stuff it up... your... uhm... nose.

This whole time I didn't even think there WERE ANY black people in Sandy, OR #SandyLootCrew

#sandylootcrew is officially the greatest trending topic in the history of twitter. Also #Infowars thinks it's real.

@cowharbinger that's not really that impressive considering the size of bovine vadge. "Bovine Vadgeuuu" also name of japanese pop supergroup

@catches_sars once asked me to, literally, RT one of her bad tweets to help her go up FavStar. Never seen anything more pathetic in my life.

@cowharbinger if you regurgitate it, lauren will smoke it.

@cowharbinger more of a field of gourds. a Socio Patch if you will.

@cowharbinger I heard you only eat grass. Lauren smokes grass all day so that's another thing you may have in common. #brohman

hey now, you're a favstar, get yer tweet on, get laaaaaame