@Fitzright's (Trevor Fitzright) most faved Tweets...
I push him aside. "Let me show you how this is done."
My son is crying now, but this drawing will end up on the refrigerator. Sweet.
My son is crying now, but this drawing will end up on the refrigerator. Sweet.
Twitter taught me to be too concise. Real life conversations have me thinking, "Jesus, man, that's ten tweets already. Get to the point."
This tweet is also available in braille.
See what I did there? No? No problem, there's also a braille version.
See what I did there? No? No problem, there's also a braille version.
I just swallowed the Viagra when my wife called her flight was delayed.
The next six hours are going to be hard.
The next six hours are going to be hard.
I'm being followed by an avid minister now. Must be some mistake. Won't take long to rectify. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Best thing about having your own business is that you can award yourself any title you want. Today I am Director of World Domination.
Weekend. The kids are in the dryer and I tucked the laundry in. It's all peace and quiet until Child Services get here.
The best tweets pop in my head in the middle of the night when I'm too drowsy to jot them down.
This is why I sleep with my secretary.
This is why I sleep with my secretary.
It's a lot less impressive once you realize that when Jesus "made Lazarus rise" he was actually referring to his penis.
I ran my hand through my hair and threw my back out.
I can't wait to see what happens when I'm 41 in two weeks.
I can't wait to see what happens when I'm 41 in two weeks.
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