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  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

    • 217
    • FAVS
    Maui_SpeaksFussySaffamyles_morrisonkandibomberHeartOnSleeve99awilkensRoozB14prncss_fifi
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    ZeinaRefaathanncatherineFarahGSamyNada_MohammadHGreenJermzprncss_fifidure_ashrafRehamElSheimy
    joeljeffreyChicken_Hawk38CroweJamKimpulses
  • stinsonsays
      Barney Stinson @stinsonsays

    China has really impressed me in the Olympics. They use the same person for every event.

    • 821
    • FAVS
    its_i_vickylawrasaurus1MiguelKerleganbgrarslnlucas_donnellyWeahdanyelbudalocoDheMente
    • 2,301
    • RETWEETS
    lola_mento__ECUADORJonasCaasey434Lamz0rmarids_TheHolySin_cristobalmassaCorgomofilo
  • _learningonline
      LearningOnLine @_learningonline

    #vacature LearningOnLine zoekt een enthousiaste #HBO #Informatica #student voor een (afstudeer)#stage ! Meer info: http://t.co/8adwjpj

    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    FlipmootJorritOeben
  • CoenlaPoutre
      Coen la Poutré @CoenlaPoutre

    Retweet dit bericht en #win een bod op deze gruwelijke pentium 3 ultra computer: http://bit.ly/mkfkyl

    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    FlipmootJorritOeben
  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    Where my hoes at? - Gangsta fireman

    • 41
    • FAVS
    richmckayHoldenMacCrotchFlipmootScibbityTheBlessMessCelticWombatLaSpanglishFlykennyhcomedy
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    FlipmootkennyhcomedypY_lizardjustinry__RosenTVCroweJamRoarkGymsjohnnywasp
  • PeterGriffyJr
      Peter Griffin @PeterGriffyJr

    The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    ShellyAvneratorsujoroztronFlipmoot
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    EmeraldEyedHeroFlipmoot
  • inmynewskin
      inmynewskin @inmynewskin

    Cutting myself shaving isn’t too painful but it’s really hard to stick the bits of toilet paper to my balls.

    • 262
    • FAVS
    Neutrontrilogykissmeimkinkypizzaking420sad_jakeJimboleemashley_barnhillquibbleylukehermes
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    kissmeimkinkysad_jakequibbleyShoutingGoddessSpiderogerFlipmootalchoholandassfavstar_pop
    SeanINCypress
  • derekasaurus
      derekasaurus @derekasaurus

    If how I like my coffee reflects how I like my women, then in my lap while I scream for medical attention, apparently.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    Friday_XIIIllvvzzyaykylewickedchild42CookiesTheJewSnarkToastus9rLAMANG4
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    CookiesTheJewClockCouchTimeFlipmootjamen3333favstar100CrimsonIdol2012TheFunnyEliteJudastheDevious
  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    Using the old "I can't hear you, I'm driving in to a tunnel" while talking to your boss doesn't work if you're both in the same elevator.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    Alias1on1CandyCrisisllvvzzDjJazzyJeffroFussySaffanavanaxMikeSchismBeerhaze
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    FlipmootCarolEdie
  • CandyCrisis
      Candy Crisis @CandyCrisis

    Revenge is a dish best served in a rush, when no one around is familiar with the Heimlich maneuver.

    • 215
    • FAVS
    KimpulsesiamyourguyJessicaFancySardonicAnthonyjoaomatthews_jackmackenrothdarkdraggonemirkr
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    vagoelocuenteFlipmootowendbanksshewhowrotethisBarnamfishzilla00MissMarieJaybustertheskacat
  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    All my coworkers are having fruit breaks. I didn't bring a fruit, so I'll just go hang with the gay guy in the reception.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    llvvzzDjJazzyJeffroglobetrottgirlnavanaxcerebralbeefthebestmonkeyVerified_XL__________EastsideRJ
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    MikeSchismfavstar50DeluxeIndianginger_divaaNitapinkdesignertalksJorritOebenPaxochka
    designersays
  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    That @charliesheen got 2 million followers in a few days can only be likened with when people slow down their cars to watch a freeway crash.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    llvvzzsheepie91LilyTrailMaui_SpeakssnickychickfunsizdprincessOhReallyRachJoyPlaza
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    FlipmootWhatThaFudge__ladymalady2011
  • MrBrown_Eye__________
      Brown Eye @MrBrown_Eye__________

    To is International Women's Day AND Fat Tuesday. There's a joke to be had somewhere in there, but ain't sayin' it.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    MaDomDarkntwistdKyle_LippertNorthernMagic__JeanM617Coy0teUgly__IAmAntilia__NowAPisces
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    MadRedTurtlecacramer03o_desiFlipmootDutch_Cookieimaamishfanco
  • Momfia
      Emmerson McGinnis @Momfia

    Everyone always wants to know if I ever quit drinking. The answer is yes, in the shower, because only pussies need their liquor watered down

    • 78
    • FAVS
    FinallyHeSleepsObscuraMentisTrainedHedonistrovingvagabondazbadoawkwrdlywrdedschwhatDumbassador
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    FrankCrowfavstar50FlipmootOtureCHUBBBS__suppRessedesiReoffendthis
  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    I'm having a chef over for dinner. I bet it will be like having sex with a porn star. Chanses to impress are slim to none.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    cfishingllvvzzMikeSchismsheepie91MadAxessnickychickOhReallyRachMaui_Speaks
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    FlipmootFeelMyGoodsjonbmoodyRowtecarpeJosephBeerhaze
  • 24_7jokes
      funny jokes @24_7jokes

    If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen,"

    • 736
    • FAVS
    GhettoRiceQueenfoodandwhiningRTKing2000JessicaFancyMonstruoVolador__farleftcoast_FitsNShitsSophieGramme
    • 268
    • RETWEETS
    VanDerWaaalDiegoMVelasquezCalamity_ClamLakeOconeeBldrLaughingLesbianCtrlAltFcoolmarimaricomcastTrauma2TheHeart
    CtrlAltFcoolcessperiencelivingnBostonAgamemNOMNOMtoddmarrone
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    GOD DAMN it looks so fucking hot when chicks shave off their eyebrows and then draw them back on with a sharpie!!

    • 165
    • FAVS
    jmg707orilliazumbasamstrophywifenotKarleePlatinumShowerpunaniassassinAmIThatBoringViciousMissus
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    SlimCharlyVolTBK365Flipmootfavstar100JustMistyelSicomoro3fi3dl3ritastepaint
  • MaDom
      Magnus @MaDom

    No ma'am, I don't think you're ugly. Now, again, please show me on this rubber chicken where this alledged man touched you.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    llvvzzOuterJohnkkilimnikdietredbullScibbityglobetrottgirlsnickychickDjJazzyJeffro
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Flipmoot
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Walgreens does up Black History Month right! http://twitpic.com/3vn8i9

    • 43
    • FAVS
    samstrophywifetopnotchtutorAmIThatBoringDeeta89LipstickSpiceNorthernMagic__chinspiredTheNewElement1
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    AmIThatBoringAlyciaSullivanFlipmootSacredAmnestygowbunpieMnm_010KEGROXLaLibertine
  • tackie_jackie
      tackie_jackie @tackie_jackie

    According to the sadistic weathermen, not only is over a foot of snow coming, I have to fear water damage from the lake.

    Fuck you Al Gore!

    • 23
    • FAVS
    AsGoodOnceIAmAntilia__blahparadeMaui_sBitchmayberedbird__CroweJamGuaCComadrewmonge
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Flipmootpetersthoughts
@Flipmoot

@Flipmoot

Nutcase on a scooter, be warned, may throw feces.

Tweets that @Flipmoot has recently discovered and favorited or retweeted.