Sext: Garrett's popcorn is turning you on. At your age? Shame on you.

Boobs is my favorite color.

Why would anyone want to be a Star? Science tells us they are lonely and burning creatures

Hell can be raised and caught, but it cannot be eaten *bites into radish* Satan you old trickster

@sloth_bhutto i never show hair on a first date pic.twitter.com/1Y03BkSvXX

the salesman said this clarinet would attract many flocks of exotic females. http://t.co/XIRa6j6w

The Giving Tree reminds us that inside every boy is a sweaty, desperate man waiting to hack you apart.

when i was in the 6th grade, i used my Birthday Wish to 'make Pokemon real.' i used to drink a lot back then ok.

@galaxy_stop @medical_sword i think that how houdini died. *checks gameboy advance* yep thats what did it

#GothTips http://t.co/BNvvsw5X

I can see so many stars tonight. Just sitting up there, like a bunch of assholes.

Master Hand taught me everything I know about being a man and pikachus and fingering. http://t.co/6VXOyMU6

Bad newz ladies. My lips r really chapped so im taking myself off the Spin-The-Bottle circuit. But @__skunkhour is glossed up and ready 2 go

#DayWithoutWikipedia is reminding me time before wikipedia, a time when everyone got jiggy with it. a time before time. http://t.co/wlyv9NDQ

@__skunkhour probably the work of the necromancer, just a hunch. this is my favorite episode of gossip girl ever btw.

A rooster used to live by me. Whenever I pass its old roost I yell "GOIN PAST COCK BLOCK!!!!" I'm 25 btw

#RapFacts Ron Paul once sustained a serious injury from dancing to Celebration too hard at a Kool & the Gang show.

Q: How do u feel? A: How do I look? *spits into hand revealing cocoons*

I liked the original version of #AmericanHorrorStory better when it was called 13 Dead End Drive.

@medical_sword heh heh, i knew that... *frantically throws cats out window