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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.
I run a dating agency for gay chickens, but I'm struggling to make hens meet!
23 people found glued to ceiling & walls of a Dublin railway station. Irish Muslims just detonated the first No-More-Nails bomb.
QPR being allowed to get away with murder by Andre Mariner. JT rugby tackled in box, "no foul" says Tony Gale. Anti-Chelsea wankstain!
I've just convinced my son that Mr. Tickle's wife is called Tess. A productive start to the day, don't you think? #everydaysaschoolday
You'll neeeeee-veeeer get a job... #BinDippers
I would quite like to die of suffocation between Holly Willoughby and Nigella Lawson.
What do we want?... Procrastination!... When do we want it?... Next week!
Craig Bellamy, the most punchable face in football/humanity (delete as appropriate) #fuckoffcardiff
Spurs fans singing "Chelsea's a shit hole". A sense of humour, or just thick as pig shit? #CFC
Man in Chinese restaurant: "Waiter, this chicken is rubbery." "I'm very sorry sir, I shall have the chef replace it immediately". #antijoke
... and then God created Saturn...and he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Gigging solo guitarist/vocalist, lifelong Chelsea supporter, regularly watch Shrewsbury Town, pokes badgers with spoons. Chicago Bears fanatic!