So, if facebook starts a monthly fee, does that make it a dating site? (not sure if someone said this yet so FUCK YOU guy that possibly did)

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on pizza?
He ate it before it was cool.

At the second I hear something break, I'll show you the door... because shit here is expensive and we better run fast.

We are not two days into the new year and no zombies yet.

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

Ok, Ok, maybe ya'll aint star'n my tweets because your busy shop'n... everyday...

I would love to tweet a lot more horrible horrible tweets but I'm young and don't wana ruin my future.

It's gona be the Lunar New Year very soon and FUCK THAT.

People can't drive for shit when I'm txting. #society

I'm pretty fly for not being a bird.

The internet is one big recycling bin.

This fucktard of a VP has got me stuck in the middle of nowhere doing last minute community service.

All the black people are in the back. All those yrs against segregation and they choose to be "G's"

if the LRA was Muslim instead of Christian, we’d have bombed Uganda into the stone age years ago

Kill people with Kindness

Kindness also happens to be the name of my fully loaded rifle

That's enough nudes for today...

World Series is on! Go Giants! #NBA

Not enough black people in my life. :(

When the radio starts playing Green Day, all I can think is "Man, this DJ is an asshole" @zzthejimzz

Was that ignorant enough for you twitter?

Where is my Coffee? #LessAmbitiousSongs