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Just once, I want to jump off of an overpass onto a speeding tractor-trailer below.
I worry about losing my data if I shake my laptop around too much. Because my laptop is an Etch-A-Sketch.
I keep all of my old friend's phone numbers in my phone so I know not to answer when douchebags call.
Picked up a Highlights at the drs office and the hidden object page is already done ... IN PEN. Fuck these kids.
just farted and it sounded like someone dropping a bucket of frozen fish into a tub of rice pudding.
What's plural for Lexus? Lexuses? Lexi? Anyway, I drive a Ford Focus.
'My boobs are sweaty, we need to go.' - things I say
My girlfriend is watching girls softball on ESPN. These stereotypes don't write themselves.
"If I had my own martial art, it'd be called tongue-fu."
Have to get dressed & pick my girlfriend up from work because she hates it when I show up naked and rub my breasts on her coworkers cars.
I'll leave you with this: things that you take or demand from other people are never really yours. Build a life with your own two hands.
Nutella: you could prolly smear this stuff on a dog turd & I'd eat it.
It's been so long since I had Starbucks that my body is rejecting it violently from my butt.
Every biologist was once just a curious kid that wanted to poke gross stuff with a stick.
Just used my vagina to sharpen a pencil. Terrified?
compulsively checking favstar to see if I'm popular yet.
I love this Sweet Chili sauce so much, I wanna take it out behind a middle school and get it pregnant.
What did the Children of the Corn do when it was a bean year?
Fool me once, Hot Pocket, shane on you. Fool me tw- OW OW HOT HOT HOT!!!
I'm the light skinned Keith Sweat. Lesbian, companion, worker bee, sister, daughter, photo taker, thinker.