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Need to whip up a dessert in a hurry? Dump a bag of oreos on the floor and eat the oreos off of the floor like a animal you piece of shit
For a good Easter surprise, try dipping marshmallow peeps in chocolate and then nailing your entire family to a cross
Spice up any meal by tossing a bag of brown recluse spiders up in the air at a ceiling fan
Tummy growlin'? STAB IT! KEEP STABBING YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE IT COULD BE KILLING YOU!!!! KILL IT FIRST
cram some raw sea trash into your gaping maw for the most authentic sushi experience you piece of shit
Spook the HECK out of your guests this Halloween by putting dry ice into a bowl of water & then cutting your own head off and fucking it
Exercising and eating healthy and STILL can't lose weight? Try not fucking lying
Alex from Portland asked us the best way to cook a fish. Well, Alex, how can you set something on fire when it's underwater? You are so dumb
COOKING TIP: shut the fuck up about bacon already you disgusting nerds
having trouble waking up the kids? try frying some bacon for them. Then POUR THE HOT GREASE ON THEIR WORTHLESS FACES. FUCK YOU JIMMY & SALLY
For a cool breakfast treat, eat a giant bowl of ice cream while you stare at your gun and your pile of overdue bills
Guy Fieri's Famous Hot Dogs a la Microwave au Ketchup a la Studio Apartment au Loneliness a la Crying au Rubbing The Hot Dogs On His Body
Here's a recipe for fondue: pour mountain dew on a dead deer. fawn dew. close the fuck enough, I'm leaving early
Vegetarian and missing meat? MAybe try some crackers or something? I don't really know
Did you hear? the secret ingredient on tonights Chopped? Sadness
Did you know?: Thousands of years ago people ate ants and worms probably. the past is dumb. please go to guy fieris restaurant hes gonna cry
Want a tip on how to make the best Long Island Iced Tea? How about skip the tea and just drink everything in the alcohol cabinet and dIE
You put pineapple in your pizza? What kind of fucked up rude beast are you? that shit's gross.
A quick tip from pro-chef Alton Brown: "Try using ｗａｓｐ ｅｇｇｓ instead of regular chicken eggs to make a ｄｅｅｐ－ｓｐａｃｅ ｈｅｌｌ ｏｍｌｅｔｔｅ ｈａｉｌ ｓａｔａｎ ｈａｉ
Recipe for special beer chicken: get beer drunk, drive tractor into chicken coop, everything on fire, I'm crying, feeds 5
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