Need to whip up a dessert in a hurry? Dump a bag of oreos on the floor and eat the oreos off of the floor like a animal you piece of shit

For a good Easter surprise, try dipping marshmallow peeps in chocolate and then nailing your entire family to a cross

Spice up any meal by tossing a bag of brown recluse spiders up in the air at a ceiling fan

having trouble waking up the kids? try frying some bacon for them. Then POUR THE HOT GREASE ON THEIR WORTHLESS FACES. FUCK YOU JIMMY & SALLY

Alex from Portland asked us the best way to cook a fish. Well, Alex, how can you set something on fire when it's underwater? You are so dumb

Spook the HECK out of your guests this Halloween by putting dry ice into a bowl of water & then cutting your own head off and fucking it

For a cool breakfast treat, eat a giant bowl of ice cream while you stare at your gun and your pile of overdue bills

COOKING TIP: shut the fuck up about bacon already you disgusting nerds

A quick tip from pro-chef Alton Brown: "Try using ｗａｓｐ　ｅｇｇｓ instead of regular chicken eggs to make a ｄｅｅｐ－ｓｐａｃｅ　ｈｅｌｌ　ｏｍｌｅｔｔｅ ｈａｉｌ　ｓａｔａｎ　ｈａｉ

Want a tip on how to make the best Long Island Iced Tea? How about skip the tea and just drink everything in the alcohol cabinet and dIE

You put pineapple in your pizza? What kind of fucked up rude beast are you? that shit's gross.

Exercising and eating healthy and STILL can't lose weight? Try not fucking lying

Tummy growlin'? STAB IT! KEEP STABBING YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE IT COULD BE KILLING YOU!!!! KILL IT FIRST

Guy Fieri's Famous Hot Dogs a la Microwave au Ketchup a la Studio Apartment au Loneliness a la Crying au Rubbing The Hot Dogs On His Body

Vegetarian and missing meat? MAybe try some crackers or something? I don't really know

cram some raw sea trash into your gaping maw for the most authentic sushi experience you piece of shit

Looking for advice on how to crush garlic well here's some advice tell it that it won't ever achieve its hopes and dreams

Want a fun idea for a family Easter brunch?destroy the patriarchy and dismantle the police state. Also, poached eggs, those are tasty.

Here's a recipe for fondue: pour mountain dew on a dead deer. fawn dew. close the fuck enough, I'm leaving early

today on ＣＥＮＴＲＡＬ　ＷＡＳＰ　ＭＯＮＯＬＩＴＨ, the ＣＥＮＴＲＡＬ　ＷＡＳＰ　ＭＯＮＯＬＩＴＨ subjects its ”ＧＵＥＳＴＳ” to unimaginable amounts of ＰＡＩＮ，　ＡＮＧＵＩＳＨ，　ＡＮＤ　ＧＡＲＬＩＣ　ＢＲＥＡＤ