Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Your 75,000th tweet tells me that you've been unemployed for roughly 15½ months.
I wish we males could agree on only ONE type of handshake to do so I can stop being taken by surprise.
I hate when I'm drinking beer, then I have to stop drinking beer because I run out of beer.
Toothpaste is just flavoured lube for toothbrushes.
If you drive a police-style car but you're not a cop, I hope your wheel falls off on the highway.
Come on Americans, you can't let your kid walk around with 4 chins like it's perfectly fine
Daaaaaamn girl, are you a smoke detector?
Because you're really loud, annoying, and won't seem to shut the fuck up.
I'd rather have cyanide in my water supply than watch a single episode of Jersey Shore.
When people write 'defiantly' instead of definitely, I just want to cry.
I don't broadcast my Twitter all over Facebook... because then, people from Facebook might actually create a Twitter. Wouldn't want that.
—» ᶦᶜᵉ ʰᵒᶜᵏᵉʸ⋅ ᵖᵒʷᵉʳ ᵐᵉᵗᵃᶫ⋅ ᵍᵘᶦᵗᵃʳ/ˢʸᶰᵗʰ⋅ ᶜʸᶰᶦᶜ⋅ ᵗᵉˣᵃᶰ⋅ ʰᶦˢ ᵘᶰʰᵒᶫᶦᶰᵉˢˢ⋅ —» ᴵᶰˢᵗᵃᵍʳᵃᵐ﹕ ᶠᵒʳᵇᶦᵈᴵᶰʲᵘˢᵗᶦᶜᵉ