What is the appropriate amount of time to point and laugh at someone who's wearing something from the Sears Kardashian Kollection?

Tonight’s goal is tomorrows hangover.

In all situations, the dude with the air horn is my least favorite dude.

@immorallyfixate "cardiovascular disease" sounds like something that killed the dinosaurs

@amberdonn I got mine from a Ke$ha song :(

@mouthymess oh my! That made me twitch in my pants a little

If we're in a car🚗 and I love the song on the radio 🎤and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I now hate you. 😠

I think what my life needs is more friends named "Cooter"

This chick has lady balls #FF
@amberdonn: Fact: the hoop size of her earrings matches her vagina.

@kassandraayala thanks for the Star!

I really, truly, passionately love you (flip to B side) r sister #candyheartrejects”

I think you should get tested. #candyheartrejects

Here's a little something about me: I lie about my weight to elliptical machines.

Never trust a begger in a wheelchair who has large calf muscles or worn out shoes

#49ers please interview other candidates. Please don't hire Baalke this quickly. You aren't at risk to lose him. Take your damn time.

@sn_rankings Phillip Rivers

@sn_rankings Frank Gore

@sn_rankings J. Campbell

When someone responds w/ "that's interesting" they're usually trying to tell you to shut up because you're boring.

@sn_rankings 49ers