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They say that it's important to raise your children with love and understanding.
My dad always laughed at us when we wore too much yellow.
Is eating grapes without washing them. #BecauseIAmARebelLikeThat
I accidentally took the DMV's pencil. I cannot imagine a greater waste of the State's resources! The shame!!
When will you all realize the only reason people give out candy is because they feel guilty of laughing at you for free!
The first time I tweeted was the best. The other times where just vain attempts to recreate the initial euphoria. #AddictThoughts
I hate how my laptop turns off suddenly when it's out of power. Even the Titanic had some guy ringing a bell before it completely sank.
A ray of hope: it won't be all bad, I mean all of Edgar Allen Poe's loved ones had tuberculosis and he turned out fine.
Beer-pongers should just slurp alcohol off of the table, the floor, or other people's fingers.
Your famiy's telling you what to do? How lucky, my family's all like, "Study what you love" and "Follow your dreams" and "We love you." Ugh.
In my spare time I make up lies, construct Pillow Pets, tweet, and MIND MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS.
I took a bus to Downtown LA today, I was so worried that I was going to end up in some God-forsaken place. The wrong one, I mean.
"MAKE USE OF YOUR FINEST TALENTS"
Way ahead of you, fortune cookie. I already tweet several times a week.
Life is like a box of chocolate. If you eat too much you'll get diabetes and they'll have to take your foot.
I'm moving out so that my mom will stop calling me a loser. Although I SHOULD say it's so I'll stop hearing her call me a loser.
OMG, my mom bought me some Marvel pajamas with, like, Iron Man, the Hulk, and Wolverine...and...I...
It's no use trying to change some people. You just have to hate them for who they are.