Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Ladies, there's a trick I do when I go down on you where I take two fingers, and then cross them and fucking hope that I'm doing it right.
Star Wars seems like a long way to go for an allegory about George Lucas's conflicted relationship with an asthmatic black kid at school.
Guys, I only have 50 followers, and I'm funnier than most of you fuckers. That must suck for you, yeah?
Turns out, God actually just hates *figs,* so...yeah...things are gonna get prrretty awkward for a few folks. Not to mention for Nabisco.
Despite all their technology, George Lucas and Industrial Light and Magic couldn't prevent Luke from being a whiny little shit.
You want to know the secret to happiness? Okay, here it is: Be Happy. I'm sorry it's not more complicated.
Nobody in Wal-Mart is actually shopping. They're all just there coming up with witty/ironic tweets about each other.
I like you. I really respect a woman who seems comfortable in her own tits. Skin. I meant skin. Shit.
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend's enemy's friend, and I'm friends with the friend of his enemy's friend's friend." - first draft adages
Buddy, if she has enough energy after sex to make you a sandwich, I'm not sure you should be bragging about it.
God, a smart and funny woman is a huge turn-on. Also, tits. But smart and funny, too.
So hungover, just pissed a 12 year single-malt scotch. It was bright with floral notes, and a smooth finish.
So many people wanting to have sex, so few people having sex. Why the fuck do we do this to ourselves!?
If there's one thing that dubstep has taught us, I'd be really fucking surprised.
Don't need instagram to be nostalgic...just take overexposed, blurry, poorly composed pictures w/the tops of people's heads out of frame.
if you're not willing to do *anything* to make her feel good, then move on. have your fun, but move on. she deserves better.
"Hey, any of you ladies wanna trade a pic of your amazing naked sexy body for a pic of my weird veiny cock?" - dudes on Twitter
No, Officer, I haven't been dinkling. Dinkling? Dingle. Ding-a-ling. Dring, I mean. Ing. Is that right? No, Orifice. I've not been blinking.
Guys: If u want a woman, u have to engage her mind! U have to hold her heart! And u have to work your way there...from between her legs.