You can wear all the makeup you want, you can never cover crazy.

The good thing about having dreadlocks, is you can reuse them as tampons.

Does your popped collar refrain you from licking your balls.

My dog wants to know.

I can scrub my balls & sing at the same time, but I can't sing while I'm playing the guitar. Some musician I am.

Trust me, using clorox bleach for anal bleaching doesn't work.

Twitter is like my 10 o'clock news, but funnier.

The only bling we have is Turquoise. You can't look gangsta wearing that shit, trust me.

My wife busted me while I was masturbating. I asked her if she can help me out. She said OK, she brought in our dog and left.

I remember fasting for 40 days, after awhile urinal cakes start to look tasty.

My Indian name is White Man who lives in trailer.

I wish I was raised by a pack of Hookers.

Getting my balls licked by a unicorn would be magical.

Never fuck your lady while listening to Hardcore Metal.

Unless you want her in a coma.

God does have a plan for you.

Plan on dying someday.

Statistics show that wearing a black shirt will reduce muffin tops by 25%.

Ladies! You know what they say about guys playin really BIG Bass Guitars.

Nothing, they're heavy and strings cost more than guitar strings

If you're a rapper and you're following me.

I will not follow you back. Now, that's Gangsta.

I am not racist, but do black girls taste like black licorice? I would be very disappointed if they didn't.

Clicking the "Like" button on Facebook is like marking your territory.

Hold on while I piss on your page.

When wifey and I argue I always end it with "I WISH I WASN`T BORN!" then storm out. I always get the last laugh.