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You could kill someone if you hit them with an afternoon Dunkin Donut donut.
This girl said the taco bell was closed because their "meat hose" wasn't working. That cant be real
Half the black workers in America really need to b wearin their work uniform inside out. Their boss's boss just didnt get caught on tape yet
Google needs to release the stats on how many Maya Angelou quotes were googled today to help people pretend they were familiar w/her work
A old white billionaire makin the news 4being racist is like a lil blk kid from the hood makin the news 4 wantin 2b a rapper when he growsup
The married girl at lunch said she had a joint account. The weedhead at lunch, properly timed, said he had a joint account too
The new blind dude @ work is a comedian. He accidentally hit me w/ his guide stick thing and said "excuse me, I didnt see u there" & laughed
"Drake promotes mental health and well being. Leaving all that gangsta shit bottled up will give you a stroke" - natl psychiatric institute
I just found out Scandal is back tonight. What's the over/under on how many almost cry faces Olivia will make before the show ends?
Hellen Keller gets all the shine but her teacher is the 1 who should b famous. How the hell do u explain something to a deaf & blind person?
When u see smokers smokin n the pourin rain, it shows that the distinction btween cig smokers & cracksheads isnt much of a distinction @ all
Im not mature enough to handle women coming in from the rain yelling "im soooo wet"
Curren$y said he can "take 10 g's and make 20 more 10 g's with that." Thats murdering the portfolio any financial advisor could set up for u
A person's missing tooth will make you reassess everything you thought about them before you saw the missing tooth
It's absolutely no reason why invites to play candy crush should even still exist in 2014
Theyre talking about its gonna be 90 degrees in DC today. Spring and fall are just seasons that used to exist
Like anyone was really keeping stats during Ice Cube's alleged triple double on that good day he claims to have had
a crazy government lawyer who sees crazy stuff in Richmond, Bmore, and DC. my tweets are all real, unless youre a fed, then its all fiction & jokes
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