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Some people are about as useful as the popcorn button on the microwave.
I’m waiting to start doing yoga when it becomes porn.
are you a magician because i'm feeling uncomfortable
It is quite possible that I'm listening to Vanilla Ice right now.
What Starbucks am I in?
I'LL HOUSE YOU
The best way to heal the pain is to get back on that horse or bike or whatever you were riding.
Muhammad Ali would go two months without sex before a big fight, stating that it made him unbeatable in the ring.
How do you know if a man wants to fuck you?
* He returns texts.
* He listens to you.
* He invites you out.
* He's still talking to you.
Today in 1941, Bob Dylan was born. He's known for the hits "Wazzo Yoppa ZhoooOOOOoooo" and "Ezza Muh Muzzbin BbohhHHHHhhhh."
Oh your dog doesn't sleep on an orthopedic memory foam pet bed? You may as well drag him behind a car for several miles.
Sometimes my favorite view has nothing to do with what I can see from the window.
I wish for you the strength and knowledge to make your life whole, to live your dreams and leave all worries behind you.