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  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Those of you complaining Obama didn't deserve to win the Nobel Peace Prize obviously didn't catch the swimsuit portion of the competition.

    • 366
    • FAVS
    Danny_McH2OTorriableHeyZeus666bombykol2JohnLyonTweetsKirstensDeskbklynmike3DeannaBanana310
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    TorriableShaistaJustinDeannaBanana310drwife2__vchattingakshayvidwans____mujibJimDirt
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Garth Brooks is coming back? You have to cut off the head people. The HEAD.

    • 314
    • FAVS
    TorriableHeyZeus666missingblakesMindJackEntubiquitousbdogKRussellTX82NotoriousRoxyKathy_Zeman
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    kit7starsKathy_ZemanJohnLyonTweetsAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Just heard my mother mention Astroglide.

    If I ever invent a time machine, the first place I'm going is three minutes before right now.

    • 263
    • FAVS
    Torriablebombykol2JohnLyonTweetsKirstensDeskdrwife2__CseashellsH1MaintenanceJojabber
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsmoliciousnessfavstar1000favsurbanphishindiana_rebMulliganJimmydivine_pklazylinepaint
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Accountant says my home based hamster milking business is still in the red.

    He just doesn't understand... it was never about the money.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    Kathy_Zemanmagsaidwhat__TheJetDetectivebombykol2AlexGreeneXXXIzzyIlluminatesdaemonic3JohnLyonTweets
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    magsaidwhat__MollyMac164bombykol2daemonic3The_MarkEcarpeJosephLaurashmlauraurbanprojectz
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Newbie made Decaf coffee in the Regular pot. I'd stab her in the neck, but I just don't have the energy. Well played noob. Well played.

    • 230
    • FAVS
    NatalieSilvanomissingblakesxXLadyBugXxAskAuntieEm1razorsharppunkjayson_dotcombombykol2daemonic3
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    razorsharppunkbombykol2daemonic3katrinaholmes77resainezLenacarpeJosephphillipefollop
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    If you send me one more Mafia invite, we're playing for real motherfucker.

    • 243
    • FAVS
    drwife2__wbgeeJackal_Parade____Candace_botCtotheASSFlipmootjen4coffeeInsanityTalisma
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsTiffanyKaraBLawSchoolBlonde__ArrogantBstrdASoapOperaLife
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Awoke to find my neighbor running around the bedroom naked and screaming incoherently.

    Eventually, I just went home.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666motrboatrbombykol2chinkydeliciaemlgsdaemonic3JohnLyonTweetsMaxine12333
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    motrboatrBeefcakeOrtizAgus9mmJHPdaemonic3Favstar500FavsDizzblnd__________Pokersoul________FishFacedMonkey
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Why are Brits spending so much money surrounding the Pope with bulletproof glass? He doesn't SHOOT the children.

    • 208
    • FAVS
    cravenheart______ClamDig__________JojabberDreamingInRedCandace_botvhstapes2iamyouruncle______FussySaffa
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    ClamDig__________TheCatAndTheKeythe_lint_lickerjayblerFavstar500Favsmitdaseinh0mfr0gtdjukic
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    They make toaster tongs, so why not tampon tongs? I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry your bagel tastes funny.

    • 208
    • FAVS
    Kathy_Zemanbombykol2drwife2__Chris2Point0Jackal_Parade____fuddlemarkvhstapes2sheerluckholmes
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    the_lint_lickerFavstar500Favsmitdaseinfavstar1000favsAvatar_unknown_48
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I assume you text to take your mind off the carnage constantly unfolding in your rear-view mirror.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    motrboatrllvvzzJojabberfuddlemarkjen4coffeePatentsTest_For_EchoBuck4it__________
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    motrboatrachibrunetteFavstar500FavsCookieClowrySHUBHAM_k2399PalenMishaPaulShakeySharpadurr12
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I always feel self-conscious buying cucumbers at the store.
    It's gotten to the point I take them home BEFORE I test them for girth.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666fuddlemarkInsanityTalismaBuck4it__________ceciljoeKAH4553matthewdillEastsideRJ
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favssmarifaManeckn
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Just when you think your sphincter has reached the limit of its elasticity...

    Boom

    Windows 8

    • 187
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666CtotheASSsheerluckholmesnikhimselfjhaire6485InsanityTalismabrahristotleMikeSchism
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    divine_pkstrandellFavstar500Favsfavstar1000favsjcgreen
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    It either snowed last night or Courtney Love sneezed on my lawn.

    • 186
    • FAVS
    llvvzzJojabberCandace_botFlipmootMikeSchismEastsideRJswitchbladephdcathatbat
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsApocalyptica_DerHeld_livecut
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Does sticking a pencil far enough up my nose to lobotomize the part of my brain that remembers this conference call count as multi-tasking?

    • 182
    • FAVS
    bombykol2Maxine12333Jackal_Parade____iamyouruncle______Flipmootjen4coffeeInsanityTalismadolesfarb
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favstracieayn__DebraPasquella
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I can't decide what is more embarassing?

    Getting to church late, or discovering my strap-on is on inside out.

    • 181
    • FAVS
    Candace_botCtotheASSiamyouruncle______sheerluckholmessnickuousShawnGarrettmightymouse______designersays
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    KingTiem____Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favsglambertlover10
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Because I now see you're nuts, I refuse to continue discussing the inappropriate length of your running shorts.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    bombykol2nikhimselfFlipmootrongillmoremightymouse______ceciljoeThoughtsUnborn____mlb_matos
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Yankee_in_pink__favstar1000favsgunshot1KingTiem____
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Listening to IT guy explain GoogleWave gives me a better understanding of the look on my Golden Retriever's face as he watches me masturbate

    • 164
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666iamyouruncle______MikeSchismshanetheveinThatsAFakeLaugh__this503girl______fabian_dustPaulShakeySharp
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsCarnage4LifeJungletronfrangilbertjonathanjosephdjbigdaddyprimdahlgraham_williams
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I'll bet if @dalailama drove to work in this traffic every day, his tweets would be more like ours.

    • 166
    • FAVS
    NickCasaliniBigBang6000fuddlemarkjen4coffeeMikeSchismDelaBootsthis503girl______PaulShakeySharp
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    mattblackgodBigBang6000minealone6carola76__Favstar500FavsheyiamcharlotteDebraUlrichSweetJaynie____
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    If picturing your audience in their underwear isn't working, try picturing them with squirrel genitalia.

    • 171
    • FAVS
    InsanityTalismajascollinsPhilDarnowskyMikeSchismswitchbladephdthis503girl______Poppaw_Stevedesirousgoddess
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    supernintendaveFavstar500Favsfavstar1000favsPaul_Couch__vBlueTigerv__Dizzblnd__________
    slippingoffsoon__
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Is there such a thing as sleep stripping? Because I just woke up w/glitter on my nipple

    and Daddy issues

    and a scorching case of gonorrhea

    • 166
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666Jackal_Parade____nikhimselfInsanityTalismaPhilDarnowskymlb_matosIAmAntilia________derekasaurus
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    MissZindziDao_D8zFavstar500Favszennmaster3______favstar1000favs
@FriedaClub

@FriedaClub

No kidding, your mother must be a very interesting person.