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  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Those of you complaining Obama didn't deserve to win the Nobel Peace Prize obviously didn't catch the swimsuit portion of the competition.

    • 372
    • FAVS
    beccafacexoBigTwoppaBabetteJonesStellaPhoinikesDrDweezilhope4avaDanny_McH2OTorriable
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    hope4avaTorriableShaistaJustinDeannaBanana310drwife2__vchattingakshayvidwans____mujib
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Garth Brooks is coming back? You have to cut off the head people. The HEAD.

    • 317
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilevem3281hope4avaTorriableHeyZeus666missingblakesMindWiringubiquitousbdog
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    hope4avakit7starsKathy_ZemanJohnLyonTweetsAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Just heard my mother mention Astroglide.

    If I ever invent a time machine, the first place I'm going is three minutes before right now.

    • 280
    • FAVS
    YolandaRichard7kxpxHeyZeus666rumandrockswicce_podgeStexcyBabetteJones2_Mins_Hate
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    wicce_podgeBabetteJonesRSin78NawyourecrazyTampaBayMommabrsmith222Favstar500Favsmoliciousness
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Accountant says my home based hamster milking business is still in the red.

    He just doesn't understand... it was never about the money.

    • 247
    • FAVS
    beccafacexowicce_podgeHoiisars24skidooBabetteJonesShipInTheKnighttwhiteazspicninja
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    24skidooBabetteJonesPOETICandFUNNYShipInTheKnightcanadasandraTampaBayMommabrsmith222magsaidwhat__
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Newbie made Decaf coffee in the Regular pot. I'd stab her in the neck, but I just don't have the energy. Well played noob. Well played.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    beccafacexoStellaPhoinikesSamaad_AhmedShipInTheKnightcanadasandraTampaBayMommaDrDweezilbrsmith222
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    TampaBayMommabrsmith222razorsharppunkbombsydolldaemonic3katrinaholmes77resainezLena
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    If you send me one more Mafia invite, we're playing for real motherfucker.

    • 246
    • FAVS
    StellaPhoinikesbrsmith222hope4avadrwife2__wbgeeJackal_Parade____Candace_botCtotheASS
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    brsmith222favstar1000favsTiffanyKaraBLawSchoolBlonde__ArrogantBstrdASoapOperaLife
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Awoke to find my neighbor running around the bedroom naked and screaming incoherently.

    Eventually, I just went home.

    • 226
    • FAVS
    beccafacexoDrDweezilbrsmith222hope4avaHeyZeus666motrboatrbombsydollchinkydeliciae
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    brsmith222motrboatrBeefcakeOrtizAgus9mmJHPdaemonic3Favstar500FavsDizzblnd__________Pokersoul________
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Why are Brits spending so much money surrounding the Pope with bulletproof glass? He doesn't SHOOT the children.

    • 211
    • FAVS
    beccafacexoDrDweezilbrsmith222cravenheart______ClamDig__________JojabberDreamingInRedCandace_bot
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    brsmith222ClamDig__________TheCatAndTheKeythe_lint_lickerjayblerFavstar500Favsmitdaseinh0mfr0g
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I assume you text to take your mind off the carnage constantly unfolding in your rear-view mirror.

    • 205
    • FAVS
    StellaPhoinikesbrsmith222hope4avamotrboatrllvvzzJojabberfuddlemarkjen4coffee
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    brsmith222motrboatrachibrunetteFavstar500FavsCookieClowrySHUBHAM_k2399PalenMishaPaulShakeySharp
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    They make toaster tongs, so why not tampon tongs? I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry your bagel tastes funny.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilKathy_Zemanbombsydolldrwife2__Chris2Point0Jackal_Parade____fuddlemarkvhstapes2
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    the_lint_lickerFavstar500Favsmitdaseinfavstar1000favsAvatar_unknown_48
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I always feel self-conscious buying cucumbers at the store.
    It's gotten to the point I take them home BEFORE I test them for girth.

    • 192
    • FAVS
    StellaPhoinikesDrDweezilHeyZeus666fuddlemarkInsanityTalismaBuck4it__________ceciljoeKAH4553
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favssmarifaManeckn
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Just when you think your sphincter has reached the limit of its elasticity...

    Boom

    Windows 8

    • 187
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666CtotheASSsheerluckholmesnikhimselfjhaire6485InsanityTalismabrahristotleMikeSchism
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    divine_pkstrandellFavstar500Favsfavstar1000favsjcgreen
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    It either snowed last night or Courtney Love sneezed on my lawn.

    • 188
    • FAVS
    StellaPhoinikesDrDweezilllvvzzJojabberCandace_botFlipmootMikeSchismEastsideRJ
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsApocalyptica_DerHeld_livecut
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I can't decide what is more embarassing?

    Getting to church late, or discovering my strap-on is on inside out.

    • 183
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilhope4avaCandace_botCtotheASSiamyouruncle______sheerluckholmessnickuousShawnGarrett
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    KingTiem____Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favsglambertlover10
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Does sticking a pencil far enough up my nose to lobotomize the part of my brain that remembers this conference call count as multi-tasking?

    • 182
    • FAVS
    bombsydollMaxine12333Jackal_Parade____iamyouruncle______Flipmootjen4coffeeInsanityTalismadolesfarb
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favstracieayn__DebraPasquella
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Because I now see you're nuts, I refuse to continue discussing the inappropriate length of your running shorts.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    bombsydollnikhimselfFlipmootrongillmoremightymouse______ceciljoeThoughtsUnborn____mlb_matos
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Yankee_in_pink__favstar1000favsgunshot1KingTiem____
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    I'll bet if @dalailama drove to work in this traffic every day, his tweets would be more like ours.

    • 167
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilNickCasaliniBigBang6000fuddlemarkjen4coffeeMikeSchismDelaBootsthis503girl______
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    mattblackgodBigBang6000minealone6carola76__Favstar500FavsheyiamcharlotteDebraUlrichSweetJaynie____
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Listening to IT guy explain GoogleWave gives me a better understanding of the look on my Golden Retriever's face as he watches me masturbate

    • 164
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666iamyouruncle______MikeSchismshanetheveinThatsAFakeLaugh__this503girl______fabian_dustPaulShakeySharp
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsCarnage4LifeJungletronfrangilbertjonathanjosephdjbigdaddyprimdahlgraham_williams
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    If picturing your audience in their underwear isn't working, try picturing them with squirrel genitalia.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    StellaPhoinikeshope4avaInsanityTalismajascollinsPhilDarnowskyMikeSchismswitchbladephdthis503girl______
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    supernintendaveFavstar500Favsfavstar1000favsPaul_Couch__vBlueTigerv__Dizzblnd__________
    slippingoffsoon__
  • FriedaClub
      Frieda Club @FriedaClub

    Is there such a thing as sleep stripping? Because I just woke up w/glitter on my nipple

    and Daddy issues

    and a scorching case of gonorrhea

    • 168
    • FAVS
    StellaPhoinikeshope4avaHeyZeus666Jackal_Parade____nikhimselfInsanityTalismaPhilDarnowskymlb_matos
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    MissZindziDao_D8zFavstar500Favszennmaster3______favstar1000favs
@FriedaClub

@FriedaClub

No kidding, your mother must be a very interesting person.