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Save yourself the discomfort and take my advice:

There IS a difference between big boobs, and LONG boobs.

::shudder::
Tempted by the fruit of a nutter.
To female fans of Jersey shore -in my house, we’re referring to the dog’s habit of scooting on the carpet as “The Situation”..
Ass down face up, that's the way I ride the bus.
This youth group broke the number one cardinal rule of making money at a Car Wash.

They let the fat chick hold the car wash sign.
the term "fanny pack" conjures strange visions... to an english man.
If getting things done and not getting things done were the same thing, I'd be killin' it today.
6
FriedaClubphwharrisrongillmorekambrockjoe_schmittKablooie
The line between cat and little shit has become very blurry today.
5
FriedaClubpenblethmathcat345CaptainThrillsphwharris
Running errands to pick up new twitter followers:

1. DMV
2. Starbucks
3. Your mom's house
4. Unemployment office
5. Bacon aisle
Him: Why're you looking at me like that? Me: Just so you know, I will let you stink like piss when you're old and decrepit. Him: *grin*
4
grumpassgrumpawkambrockCheVolayFriedaClub
It’s not cheating if your husband watches.
When I was your age son, there were no free standing Chick-fil-A's. Times were tough back then.
I don't know what *you'd* say The Most Dangerous Game is, but I'm going with Blind-Folded Nudist Camp Pull-My-Finger.
Told 8 yr old daughter that the Army pays for your education if you join. Response: "It kinda makes sense that they have to trick you."
She who controls the automatic window locks and is gassy wields all the power.
'Wrong way'
'Slow it down'
'Don't let him get it in'
'Too many players on the field'

'Score!'

Kids soccer strongly resembles my sex life
Since I started art classes, I've been studying the human body. The curves & lines of it. And how the body starts to smell up my apartment.
Just awoke from a nap. It can still be called a nap if it lasted 15 hours, right?
8
penblethNotHotLisaG732kambrockImAwake2PunkrockieFriedaClubtwilighteyes08
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