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Friends: 187
Followers: 245
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@FriedaClub's (Frieda Club) recently faved Tweets...
FriedaClub
Whenever I'm bored, I call one of my parents and ask them to describe how the internet works.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Is this the day St. Patrick drove the snakes from the plane?
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Let me apologize now for what I do later to your shoes.


-St Patrick's Day Traditional
@FriedaClub
7
BrettTroutKathy_LMVANARS1CalamityAndreaCroweJamoftenwrong11Capsaholic
FriedaClub
From the look of these people in the food court, they only eat salad when other people are looking.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
I was 23 hours early for work tomorrow.
@FriedaClub
15
BrettTroutFussySaffacrankfetterCapsaholicMoodyPlaylistMrsNutcase215Finger_BuddyBettyLiesvanestwistedpfisterCroweJamBlingVodkaMVANARS1CalamityAndreaA_N_G_E_L_I_N_E
FriedaClub
The government is warning baby slings can be fatal. I think I'll just stick with my baby trebuchet.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Thank you all so much for your follows & stars. Work has picked up, so I have to say goodbye. So long, and thanks for all the fish!
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Dear Hummer driver driving 50 in the left lane. May you be drug from your vehicle, emasculated and your tiny penis fed to wolves.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Is there such a thing as an undercover Wal-Mart greeter

With offices behind the dumpster

Where they do the cavity searches?
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Having trouble with my Lady Gaga costume. Does anyone know if the TruckNutz go on the inside or the outside of the tighty whities?
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
LoLed at teapot costume w/giant low-riding long pink spout. Judging from his parent's glare, I will not be invited to the next block party.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Him: Purple
Me: It doesn't come in purple
Him: Neither do I .... unless I eat a whole box of Boo Berry


Sorry ladies. This one is taken.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Lesser known, but more widely used, the "Rorschart" test uses images in husbands' underwear to predict if he will die in his sleep tonight.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Judging from his breath, the intestinal system of the passenger next to me just passed a shit through his body in the wrong direction.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Continental Airlines stranded me in Houston. On the bright side, it gives me a chance to catch up on my bitching about Continental Airlines.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Listening to IT guy explain GoogleWave gives me a better understanding of the look on my Golden Retriever's face as he watches me masturbate
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
The real crime is not what Steve Phillips did, or that ESPN fired him. The real crime is that his optometrist got off scott-free.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
I can barely understand this Los Angeles accent. "Good Morning" comes out sounding like "Dame tu cartera"
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
I remember when I was young and naive and foolishly believed Leno had reached his nadir.
@FriedaClub
FriedaClub
Bathroom faucet just blew a gasket.

I think I may have just invented the stand-up pants-on bidet.

Oh, the humanity.
@FriedaClub
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