If all porn was taken off the web, there would only be one website left and it would be called "bring back the porn."

I dont mind going into work, but the 8 hour wait to go home is bullshit.

Apparently yelling "Fuck yeah!" is frowned upon at the end of a prayer in church...

Some of you should not be allowed to procreate. If you had to google what procreate means, then it's you.

Twitter. Because therapy is expensive.

Vagina. The first superpower.

When my great-grandfather died my great-grandmother said she was sad because they still had so much to talk about. I want that with someone.

They say "personality disorder" I say "fun to date"

After sex i usually cry for one of two reasons. The pepper spray burns, or the handcuffs are too tight.

After sex when I tell you, "Don't touch me, I hate you" it's not you, it's me.

I tweet because I'm a narcissistic self centered fuck who desires your stars and RTs. There, I came out, did I do it right?

People are bastard coated bastards with bastard centers.

You're a bunch of fucking strangers who know more about me than anyone and find me funny. You all do more for me than you know, thank you.

Two of my favorite games are "Just the tip" and "Ouch ouch you're on my hair."

We should all thank Ed Hardy for making rapists so easy to spot.

"fuck, marry, kill" is not a game. It's the normal progression of a healthy relationship.

If I were to own a nursing home I would call it "One Step Closer to Heaven."

Every tramp stamp I see spells out "regret"

Just saw a commercial that said 1 in 6 have a mental illness; I think we're all on Twitter.

Saw a man at Sams Club and his cart contained 2 things: an industrial sized box of Tampax and Hersheys bars. Well played sir, well played.