Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Is it me, or were Ren and Stimpy funnier when I was recreationally using drugs?
Hey ladies who just graduated college: that 200k a year and diploma don't mean shit if you don't put a dick in your mouth.
My kids: Dad, what's to eat?
Me: tosses snack bag of chips.
Me: Shhhhh. I'm about to get max prestige. Eat your chips.
Kids. Need to "feed them" and give them "something to drink" or "the police will be called again" Whatever.
Maybe if Barbara Mandrell had made a sandwich she wouldn't have slept single in a double bed.
I love pizza so much. I would fold it in half and make sweet sweet love to it. I would do this if I hadn't already been arrested for it...
I don't want to say that Billie Joe Armstrong did masturbation wrong, but if it looses its fun, you're doing it wrong...
Ladies, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and have finished one load of laundry and started a second. This is how foreplay is done right?
I slept weird on my right side last night and now it hurts. I checked WebMD and it's either brain cancer or I'm pregnant.
I like to go to church, fill out the "My Name Is..." and put Jesus. Then whenever someone says Jesus, I yell out "Fuck! What now!?"
The following is based on true events: "I need sleep. I just threw my phone in the trash and tried texting on my Pop Tart."
Vice President ACME Sales, Coyote Division. xPISTACHIOSx on Xbox Live playing BlackOps2 and L4D2. http://web.stagram.com/n/fucking_randy/