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@mattthemedic @history As if "Ice Road Truckers" wasn't the first big clue. You're right, though. Now they've really "thrown in the shroud."
@lisafarted And that's not an erection in my pants, it's a tailoring point.
@elibraden Hey, anyone know of any good porn sites on the Internet?
@dankcharnley P.S. Extra points to you for having the funniest profile text of all time.
@turbograndma As always, Nikki, you know how to bring the funny.
@dankcharnley Mastubation joke. #dontgetpissy
@dankcharnley Ironically, I suspect, your socks wouldn't be nearly so "yellow, hardened and easily replaceable" if you actually had a woman.
@mmflint Funny, I wrote the TSA a really long complaint about a) allowing small-bladed pocketknives on planes, and b) pat-owns on toddlers.
@shelbyfero You're funny, funny, Shelby. I'm glad I'm following you. Now at the next turn, you'll see an In-And-Out Burger. Just kidding.
@iammaggiemull See, didn't I tell you $350 could go far?
@iammaggiemull Set a reasonable limit on how much money to put on your Power Card. Like maybe $350 to "keep it real." #D&BVegasForKids
@boobsradley Odd. I thought anal was the best ice-breaker.
@elibraden Must share: Saw headline "Body of baby killed in carjacking found." I'm an a-hole, but the baby shouldn't have car-jacked someone
@ahm76 @tweetdeezknutz I wouldn't count on VA hospitals.Try a private counselor who's worked with vets.Bless him and thanks for his service.
@someskirt Likewise for the missing 's' in douche.
@elibraden "Work Hard" (sign in the break room of the porno shoot).
@lisafarted Right after they phase out the McAdamsRib.
@wendyliebman @aishatyler Erie, PA is OK to set on fire. But leave the Lake alone. #enoughtroublesinthe70's
@shawngarrett For a second there, I thought you meant that you PEEKED during your mom's 2nd trimester. That would be gross and awkward.
Don't get mad, get funny! Objectively funny since 1967. Pissing people off on Twitter since late 2009.
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