Hubby just informed me that my: "OMG RUN FOR YOUR LIVES" button, was not a 'wedding appropriate' accessory.

Fear is seeing someone walking down the isle towards you at Walmart and thinking: Oh God please don't let me smell him.

I'm tired of feeling up studs with my hands. Every girl needs a battery operated....

Stud Finder.

What?

I have pictures to hang.

I'm classy. I dont use those little plastic cups.


I drink my cough syrup one wine glass at a time.

I guess if a woman with psychotic PMS wants Chicken McNuggets, you give 'em to her. Eh?

I will NOT indulge you & your creepy leering. I'm going to eat this banana by agressively gnawing off one inch at a time.


Buh bye now.

Not looking forward to explaining the *sparkles* to my Gynecologist today.

Seagulls are the rats of the sky.

Garbage eating poop machines.

Excuse me while I head back home to wash my hair.....

again.

Do you think Bono ever found what he was looking for?

THIS is why I don't watch T.V. in the day. My choices are:

1) The View
2) Kathy Lee Gifford
3) Stick a fork in my eye.

I choose 3.

I assume the key to marital bliss is: His and Her bathrooms.


At separate ends of the house.

Just asked family if they had seen my Walkman.

Subconsciously returning to the 80's to deal with my stress?

Next stop: Fetal position

No really, my eyes are ALWAYS this glazed over. It's not you.

Somewhere one man is crying because his wife left him, and another is crying because his wife .... won't.

My desire to just give up, lay down on the hardwood floor, and eat chocolate icing for breakfast, may be a sign.

The cat is TOTALLY judging me. I feel it in my bones.

Wow, those characters from "Outsourced" are getting aggressive. I just had to hang up on one.

A 5 day stint in hell last week confirms, a NO carb diet turns me into Satan's handmaiden.

*This tweet officially sponsored by: My Family

Star gazing from the hot tub is all fun & games...

Until you come inside to go pee & wipe out in your bikini, on the dining room floor.

Bringing nice back.....sexy is a given, and trampy is WAY overdone around here.