All of you watching Twilight on C4 just now: bear in mind that as Edward is a vampire and has no blood he cannot get an erection.

As Dr. Seuss once said, "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" #Olympics #London2012

Best Venn diagram EVER! http://t.co/rHiv7fXQ

This has been my highlight of today. http://t.co/RtQiviyn

Google is 13 today and will now start being a moody teenager and not answer any of your questions.

POSSIBLY THE BEST GIF EVER. (/via @reddit) http://t.co/NPDAxkKP

Does anyone know the lyrics to Daft Punk's 'Around The World'?

A wise friend once told me that a tweet should contain "an anecdote, a quote and some form of guidance".

Instagram today will be sunny with a high chance of beer gardens.

Think you're having a shit monday? I just fell in the sea.

Please don't buy deodorant for 48hr protection, learn to shower.

This gif of broccoli in an MRI looks like fireworks and is probably the best thing you'll see today. /via @reddit http://t.co/wyTp8ZKv

16 year old girl on FB with a tattoo of her boyfriend's name on her arm. They've been together for nine days. #BrokenBritain

Men think about sex every seven sex.

Awesome pictures of a factory that went on fire, got covered in water by the fire brigade then froze in Chicago.  http://blogs.wsj.com/photojournal/2013/01/23/after-fire-chicago-warehouse-covered-in-ice/?mod=e2fb …

I like this a lot. 54 designers asked to design a card from a pack of cards in their style. http://t.co/iEFtQ9fK

Instagram today will be cloudy with a low chance of heavily filtered blue skies and possibly even raindrops on windows in some areas.

Oh, you! http://t.co/PxILUgiQ

I'll tell you what's wrong with Britain today, Shooting Stars has been axed and One Direction have a TV show.

Did you know that if you took all your intestines out and laid them end to end, you would die.