GENTLEMAN call me your favorite sweatpants cuz you adore me & will wear my ass/crotch out, yet refuse 2 be seen in public with me

You awake to find that dogs have evolved into bipeds, with speech capabilities. Turn to page 3 to fight them, or page 72 to get dog married.

Take me down to Animorph City where the girls have beaks and there's wolves with titties.

Did u know that if a cat rubs itself between ur ankles it is marking u for purgatory? Happened 2 u? Ur name is not in the book of life.

why isn't there a black metal history month

I cruise up on my longboard, P.O.D's "Youth Of A Nation" blaring from my Beats By Dre headphones.
"Fuck school," I shout to no one.

AND i will always love u: the most passionate song ever written about two vowels in love? PROBABLY

My 9 year old daughter just started drawing comics. pic.twitter.com/yJu7jXzX82

GENTLEMAN: Call me Febreze because pretty soon you'll be obsessively wanting me to squirt all over your sheets.

It's hard to believe Australia is a real place sometimes... pic.twitter.com/WzGO5D07

What Is Kreayshawn And How Do We Keep It Out Of Schools

Capitalism indoctrinates the principle of scarcity on such a level that some start believing love is a finite resource to be competed for

LOGGED ON AND READY TO DISAGREE ABOUT EVERYTHING *kisses bicep*

I'm gonna have a little brother in 4 months & I get to pick his middle name. I like Fuckerman, Dildonger or Regulardo but open 2 anything.

"Ugh this apple juice tastes like piss!" - My Dad, totally owned after drinking my piss once when I was 5 & we went camping & I peed in cup

SHREK = Sexualey Horney Remembering Early Keanu --- really makes u think

That part in Beetlejuice where Winona Ryder says "She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight."

my neck
my back
go to the kitchen
& grab me a pudding snack pack

I paid $80 for this pot. Did I get ripped off? Happy Marijuana Day. Lets get totally fricked up! PS IM NOT A COP pic.twitter.com/LPld6TQsJj

bring back the P'zone fucker @barackobama