Late night in a grocery store, trying to catch Mrs. Butterworth in a neglige.

Does clown college have a lot of make up tests?

My sense of direction is so bad that I don't need to be spun around for pin the tail on the donkey!

Our youngest son is 6 foot 7. It's a little disconcerting when he pats me on the top of the head and says hi!

We're all multi-layered and complicated. That's what makes connecting so difficult.

I got some alcohol for medicinal purposes. I think I really need a lot of medicine!

Without followers, there wouldn't be leaders.

At night I like to go out back to star gaze. My wife and kids like to go out and watch me being chased by the bats!

With age comes wisdom. I'm still waiting on the wisdom part.

Going through sadness makes the happiness much more exquisite!

Humor cushions the potholes in life.

People that mistreat animals, are they really capable of love?

In the "dance of life", unfortunately I have two left feet. I knew I should have taken those damn dance classes!

My wife just said that I have a really big one! Unfortunately, she was looking at the extra large pizza I was holding.

I feel like I'm being stalked by a bunch of people. I like it!

Just got back from the store. I had left the tv on. Spent 5 minutes in front of the mirror talking to myself about it.

What goes around, comes around. Boomerangs?

On a bucket list, is the last thing to kick it?

Life is short. Imagine being a midget.

Remember, when you pick someone up make sure they're light first.