Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm not divorced from reality, but we have agreed to a trial separation.
#rncconventionslogans A dog on every car!
Like it or not, those of us who can spell and construct coherent sentences are judging those of you who can't/won't/can't be bothered.
Learn to speak wife: "Fine!" is wife for "fuck you!"
Husband on days this week. Sex schedule all messed up. Or it would be, if we actually, you know, had sex.
This "Guaranteed No Muffin Top" underwear is going right back to the store. Muffin top is alive and well and living on my hips.
#ancientheadlines Simon Peter disavows all knowledge of "the Christ." In other news, crowing cocks violate noise ordinance.
I'm seriously overthinking the concept of overthinking. May soon disappear up my own ass.
#NameMittsForeignTour The Magical Underwear Tour
#hayfeversongs Weeds are the Champions
#OpeningGOPConventionCeremony Don't miss the performance by the Olympic Flip Flopping Team!
#NameMittsForeignTour Is this a Crumpet or a Strumpet? You Brits have a different word for everything!
#NameMittsForeignTour An American Embarrassed
I thought I had a tumor, but it turned out to be a crumb in my bra.
#lessscaryhorror Parsley, Sage, and Thyme's Baby
I coulda been a Wallenda, instead of a cheap circus act, which is what I am...